Wondercon 2016

 
Link is playing video games at Wondercon 2016

Link is playing video games at Wondercon 2016

I attended Wondercon this year on Sunday, and spent two of the six hours being lost, and searching for my party. So! What I learned from this visit was if I am going with a group who has a diverse range of interests, it's a good idea to plan times to meet up, instead of trying to follow each other around the entire time. It was packed. In a good way. 

Ghostbusters cosplay 

Ghostbusters cosplay 

The age range was really nice to see. It's still family-oriented where children can see vendors and activities for them. 

Avatar Kyoshi cosplay

Avatar Kyoshi cosplay

I admit that I giggled, and jumped up and down when I saw this Avatar cosplay. I love Avatar! 

Selfie with Avatar Kyoshi & me with tears of joy LOL

Selfie with Avatar Kyoshi & me with tears of joy LOL

This was one of the cosplays that made my day! :) 

Easter cosplay for Joker and Harley Quinn

Easter cosplay for Joker and Harley Quinn

It's a wonderful sight to see little ones involved with cosplay culture, while their parents help ensure it's fun and appropriate. 

Black Cat and Spiderman Cosplay

Black Cat and Spiderman Cosplay

The event lulled when it was time to get food. There were food trucks serving $20 meals, with a 45 minute wait to get your food. A recommendation is to bring your own food and drink when possible. Tickets to Wondercon are only $16 on Sunday. 

the Professor from Powerpuff Girls

the Professor from Powerpuff Girls

I love seeing props like stuffed animals used in cosplay. It adds a little fun and imagination. 

Wonderwoman and (?)Black Widow Children's Cosplay

Wonderwoman and (?)Black Widow Children's Cosplay

These girls were so smiley to have their photo taken (with parent's permission, of course). It's awesome to see girls empowered to be their favorite heroes here and potentially in the real world, too.

Bob's Burger's Cosplay

Bob's Burger's Cosplay

I had to chase her down a couple times, and she was super friendly with my asking to take her photo. 

Kingdom Hearts Cosplay

Kingdom Hearts Cosplay

It's always a treat to see cosplay with weaponry. The craftsmanship is something I admire. 

Legend of Korra Cosplay

Legend of Korra Cosplay

I am a huge Avatar fan, and and even huger water tribe fan! I was overwhelmed with joy to see people from "my tribe" LOL

Children cosplaying Loki and Spiderman

Children cosplaying Loki and Spiderman

These kiddos also smiled so wide as I asked for their photo. The time taken to choose the costume, and find its elements probably contributed to some quality family time together. 

Travis Hanson, Children's book illustrator and author

Travis Hanson, Children's book illustrator and author

Travis Hanson and I chatted about our processes with writing and illustrating. His words and journey are very inspiring. He is a very talented and humble person, and I wish him all the success in the world. 

Deadpool Cosplays

Deadpool Cosplays

A part of cosplay (like Halloween) is giving adults permission to act silly and playfully. It's refreshing to see adults not be constricted by social definitions of what it is to be "an adult".

Unknown cosplay, really cool armor

Unknown cosplay, really cool armor

I'm not sure what her cosplay is, but the weapon and armor are pretty darn neat.

Disney's Belle Princess Cosplay

Disney's Belle Princess Cosplay

At the end of the day, we all got together to walk across the street to our cars or taxis. Even Disney princesses needed to find their way home after a long day of magic and creativity. 

 

Gaming & Anger

Nerd Rage, Rage Quitting, and Angry Gamers

rage-quit-boonie-sripom

Nerd rage. Rage quitting.

If you have a gamer in your life, or are a gamer, you've most definitely come across game rage at least once. So, what exactly is it? The top definition on Urban Dictionary is: "to stop playing out of anger." There are additional components that make rage an appropriate word for this behavior. 

Sometimes the rage is accompanied with screaming, breaking things, physical aggression, and heightened emotionality. Losing not only once, but numerous times, being harassed online, or having difficulties with a game can lead to rage quitting.

Before some commentary on this behavior is shared, here is a video of what can commonly occur when a gamer experiences rage quitting. This is one of countless recordings available online. 

Now, this video was shared not to ridicule or shame gamers. It was shown to illustrate the seriousness of this problem. Around the world, there are millions of homes where gaming is part of everyday life. That means around the world, it can be fairly common to have a gamer get angry or a family member argue about bed times and spending time off the computer or console. This means that gaming and anger in the family is a normal thing, and yet games are being blamed. 

Is gaming really the problem?

Sometimes gaming is the problem. Sometimes it's part of the problem. Sometimes it's the solution for a chaotic life filled with problems. It really depends on context, and individual circumstances. In general, gaming can be the last part of the puzzle where a person who has limited coping skills finally has an outlet to channel anger and other strong emotions. In regards to many men and boys getting angry, there is something curious to consider:

Socially acceptable emotions for men and boys.

Expanding on traditional gender roles and emotional expression has changed within a generation. Even so, there are remnants of the "boys will be boys" and "boys don't cry" mentalities in the minds of many men and boys we know. Millennials, Gen Y, and Gen X gamers can come from a burdened culture where they are not allowed to express feminine emotions. This can be very draining, and misdirect every other emotion into anger. 

Underneath this rage that can "appropriately" be expressed from gaming and being competitive (because it's masculine and acceptable behavior) is lots of pain, unresolved losses, and vulnerability. Men and boys may be less likely to share directly about painful emotions unless it's a result of competition or gaming. This leaves males with a smaller window of opportunity to express normal emotions that females generally share throughout the day. 

What does this build up of emotion do to the human body? Emotions and intense energy builds up, and needs a release. If it isn't released in small bursts, well, you get rages.

Emotions are like air filling up in a balloon. There is only so much that can fill before it bursts. 

Females also get angry. 

Around half of all gamers are female. This leads to expanding on more traditional gender stereotypes or assumptions with female. Females can and do play all types of games, and can also experience nerd rage. Gaming can be an outlet for women where in general, the greater culture may not accept female anger or aggression as openly as when males do. 

Females may be pressured to maintain harmony in groups, and suppress feelings of anger to please others. This is not always the case, of course, yet there are socializing agents that may heavily shape a female's range of expressing negative emotions; the same way men are not nurtured to acknowledge more vulnerable types of emotions. According to an article on gender and anger, men tend to be more physical and aggressive with their anger, while females tend to be more passive aggressive (GOSSIPING).

Gaming may be used as a safer negative emotional outlet for some. It may be healthier to release anger while yelling and killing creeps in a videogame than picking a fight with a random person who bumped into you. In addition to all the positive aspects gaming offers its players, some may use it solely for an emotional outlet; others, not so much. Context is important. 

Context for anger

For many gamers, life can be difficult and overwhelming. People may not always be the kindest, and social support might be minimal. Being misunderstood, and not being able to connect with others may add context to why some gamers have angry outbursts when they play. Having a childlike heart, or being labeled as immature, or lazy by loved others can also be disheartening. Countless stereotypes on being a gamer can make it even more difficult to connect with non-gamers. Adult children affected by the recession, Millennials, also have an added layer of difficulty to finding work and finishing school while some of their peers may be more "successful." 

How nerd rage affects family & relationships

Gaming and anger can become a focus within the family system or relationship. This intense focus on anger can cause arguing, break ups, and additional anger from others. The entire experience can be frustrating, overwhelming, and tiring. Lots of people may start giving ultimatums for the gamer to quit playing "or else" something will be taken away. Parents of adult gamers may feel guilty for permitting the behavior to get to this excessive state, as well as disappointed and upset their child is not thriving. Gamers can feel misunderstood for their love of gaming, annoyed that others want to take something that brings them joy away, and guilty or stuck for not pleasing others. It's a lot of emotions, a lot of perspectives, and a lot of relationship dynamics to consider. 

What happens next?

If extreme anger and gaming are difficult to even initially address, seeking professional support may be a first step. Gaming can be an addiction. If behaviors become difficult, it's important to seek help; either for your own support, or for the family or relationship. Information is invaluable, and learning what gaming can offer a person can help increase connection and open communication. Sometimes arguments and anger can really be about gaming, and sometimes it really isn't about gaming in the first place. Everyone has a story, and every gamer has a history and reason for playing. Listening to understand can make a world of difference. If these initial stages are confusing or difficult to start, an awesomely compassionate and gaming affirmative therapist may be able to help start the healing process. 

Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child (Guest Post)

 

 

Author Information: Andre Larocque is a district level behavioral specialist consultant with a narrowed study in Oppositional defiance disorder, conduct disorder and Antisocial personality disorder. In addition to his education in psychology he has 8 years direct experience working in residential treatment.

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Spare the rod, Spoil the Child: A Behavioral Primer for the Non-spanker.

By Andre Larocque

Edited by: Evita Sandoval

 

History of a Limit Tester

            All these discussions about spanking usually start with“Spanking worked for me.” In all fairness it worked for me as well. I remember being a young, quiet boy in Vermont who enjoyed the woods and building forts. I wasn't always a well behaved behaviorist however. I was a young aggressive researcher who enjoyed finding his limits with adults. I remember one aunt in particular being brave enough to babysit me at the time. I took the opportunity while she fell asleep watching soap operas to slap her as hard as I could before running outside to climb my families fir tree. At this point it was appropriate for me to internalize several existential questions. Rightly so, as she stood seething at the bottom of the tree she was correct to remind me, I would eventually have to come down and she had a long memory. Most adults do, and lets be fair now I was a child asking for a limit to be set.

Spanking as a Tool
 


            In the above example most people are quick to point out serious behaviors demand serious consequences, and we would be doing a disservice to our kids by demonstrating otherwise. Such an assertion would be completely correct. I got paddled when I came down from our families fir tree and most would argue my consequence was earned.

            Kids are incredibly smart. Anyone who has spent time with children knows they are a sponge for positive and negative experiences. So where does spanking fit in all this? Throughout my studies in college spanking was discussed at length. Corporal Punishment is a hot button issue in psychology. Behaviorists at the time were still catching flak for incorrectly addressing “expectations” and the role expectations play in behavioral outcomes. A good example of this criticism can be seen through spanking. When a child limit tests and they are spanked, ideally the target behavior shapes to be lower in frequency, intensity, or both. Parents understand this concept but often not in the same behavioral context. Target behaviors do shape through spanking. However, there is a dark secret in all this. The behavior only appears to shape when the spanker/enforcer is around to implement the expectation and its subsequent behavioral consequence. The authority in this case chose to buy obedience at the cost of resentment. When the authority chose to spank, behind closed doors the behavior was made worse, having been built upon resentment towards the spanking authority. The spanker doesn't know that. The babysitter, school, neighbors and police however do see that behavior that was supposedly shaped to be lower. These are the same kids that say their pleases and thank you's but then decide to pepper spray their neighbors toilet paper when no one is around. Behaviorists for the most part agree that there are very unintended negative outcomes for corporal punishment being shown in the long term for kids. These unintended consequences include higher substance abuse rates, lower grey matter in the brain and even significantly higher rates of mood disorders [1][2][3][4][5].

Behaviorism as a Tool

            Usually at this point in the spanking discussion folks lose a bit of hope. The reason why is often because it begs the question “What tools do we have to shape behavior if spanking is not ideal?” The solution is very hopeful because in the modern age we have many new rewards and many new logical consequences that technology provides us with. The most effective tools behaviorists have had for centuries are consistency, prevention and fairness. The reason why there is a disparity in power between kids and adults, is because sometimes children make poor and uninformed decisions which demands adults take charge to mitigate that risk for a time. To expand on good behavioral practices there are several things a parent can do to shape behaviors in an effective way and most of them center around the mitigation of risky or maladaptive behaviors. When a parent sees limit testing their actions and words should always be a decisive “No”. Limit testing is the clear understanding of the expectations and the subsequent disregard of them. Soft limits like negotiating, being unclear, begging for change, nagging, or providing any grey area will always result in more limit testing. This will also demonstrate that your expectations are not worthy of your child's respect. When a parent sees a child asking for, or demonstrating a need for support the response is different. When a child is uninformed and does not know the limit or its tangent expectations, a wise response would be a kind request for more information. This supportive discussion should involve the authority providing an explanation, and replacement behaviors with regard to the behavior being spoken about. If one responds to support testing with a decisive “No”, that person builds obedience at the cost of resentment. This resentment can lead one to be just as ineffective as one that chooses a soft limit. One thing I often suggest, for parents looking to “clean up” behavioral practices, is a behavioral contract in which everyone in the household signs. In the contract target behaviors and consequences are spelled out clearly without soft limits and everyone is equally responsible for adhering and enforcing that contract. Weekly house meetings to revise the family contract can be very beneficial for everyone involved. When there is a violation of the contract, it is nothing “personal”, it is simply the law as the household agreed. The antecedent to resentment does not exist in this method allowing for a positive household without all the underlying emotional cultch.

Behaviorism in Practice

            Much of being consistent is having scripts and expressing yourself and your expectations correctly and systematically every time. This prevents maladaptivity from taking root by keeping expectations fair, firm and consistent. Any soft limits, or punitive practice, will result in heightening the frequency and/or intensity of limit testing [6].

“It has been brought to my attention that you are choosing to bully kids at school. Our behavioral contract states unkindness, and disrespect, will result in a simplification of your communicative tools. You demonstrated I can't trust you behind closed doors so we also need to simplify privacy as well. The wifi is being turned off, your cell phone service is being turned off and your door is being taken of its hinges and is coming with me for a week. Once you are able to communicate respectfully and kindly we will discuss regaining the privileges that trust would afford you.”

“You are not showing you have control over your body right now. As per our behavioral contract that means you need to take a break, I need you to take a timeout in that chair until you can show me a calm face and a calm body.”

“I would love to take you to the store, but you tantrumed in public to get what you want. Our behavioral contract states I need to trust you will make good social decisions in public or I can't take you with me. You showed me that you need to take a break from going anywhere until I know you will make good social decisions. Maybe you can regain this privilege by showing me better ways in asking for what you want and accepting when I tell you no.”

 

References

[1] Gershoff, Elizabeth T. (Spring 2010). "More Harm Than Good: A Summary of Scientific Research on the Intended and Unintended Effects of Corporal Punishment on Children". Law & Contemporary Problems (Duke University School of Law) 73 (2): 31–56. Retrieved 23 December 2015.

[2] Durrant, Joan; Ensom, Ron (4 September 2012). "Physical punishment of children: lessons from 20 years of research".Canadian Medical Association Journal 184 (12): 1373–1377. doi:10.1503/cmaj.101314. PMC 3447048. PMID 22311946. Retrieved 23 December 2015.

[3] Ateah C.A., Secco M.L., Woodgate R.L. (2003). "The risks and alternatives to physical punishment use with children". J Pediatr Health Care 17 (3): 126–32. doi:10.1067/mph.2003.18. PMID 12734459Retrieved 23 December 2015.

[4] Tomoda, A.; Suzuki, H.; Rabi, K.; Sheu, Y.S.; Polcari, A.; Teicher, M.H. (2009). "Reduced prefrontal cortical gray matter volume in young adults exposed to harsh corporal punishment".Neuroimage. 47(Suppl 2):T66-71.doi:10.1016/j.neuroimage.2009.03.005 PMID 19285558

[5] MacMillan H.L., Boyle M.H., Wong M.Y., Duku E.K., Fleming J.E., Walsh C.A. (October 1999)."Slapping and spanking in childhood and its association with lifetime prevalence of psychiatric disorders in a general population sample".Canadian Medical Association Journal 161(7): 805–9. PMC 1230651. PMID 10530296.

[6]  Mackenzie R.J (2011) “Setting limits with your strong willed child” Retrieved 23 December 2015.