(Neurodivergent) Acts of Protection

Disclaimer: We all protect ourselves at some point or another. We all use some of the listed behaviors to connect, share, or protect ourselves. Contexts matter. Intentions matter. Although each individual item may be used for different reasons, some positive, this blog post will focus primarily on their protective usage and the neurodivergent perspective for potentially doing so.

How to use the following information:

We have default ways of behaving, and it’s important to name them. Once we name them, we can decide whether they serve us now and if we’d like to keep these patterns. If not, we can identify (when possible) their functions and have gratitude for how they got us to this point in time. We can also be accountable by identifying how these acts can limit personal growth or something else. This takes time and safety to explore. You can explore alone, and/or with people you trust.

Many of us ask the questions “Why?” and “How"?” things came to be, and the reasons for things that we do. A simple answer for complex life experiences could be we do some things to protect ourselves. From what? It depends. We feel safe in different environments and with different people. As you read these brief descriptions, use your experiences and the themes that pop up to guide you in determining what it is you needed protection from. It could be a guess, or it could be something you know for sure.

As you examine this part of protection and safety, it can lead to self-advocacy, creating more safety, and claiming boundaries with others.

Loved Ones and Professionals Working with Neurodivergent Communities:

Please take this information as a lens of how we struggle. See this as a potential way that we are coping and communicating. Please help advocate for us by listening to the ways we may be protecting ourselves and building safety and structural changes that allow us to feel safer to exist.

Uplift our voices. Listen to our perspectives. Expand definitions of what it means to live with purpose, respect, and autonomy.

Some Acts of Protection:

Remember, some of these acts can be forms of communication, love, and play. They can also be forms of protection depending on individual circumstances.

A red and mint colored fire hydrant gushing lots of water with grass in the background, text reads “info dumping as protection”

• Info dumping: Sharing about a special interest or topic where you control the conversation.

  • Info dumping is a valid form of communication and connection. It’s sharing details, stories, and fun facts of specific interests that speak to your curiosity heart. The most interesting things that bring you joy, you want to share with others!

  • There is safety in controlling the conversation. When you are unsure of social norms and topics neurotypical people talk about, info dumping can be a way to participate in conversations.

  • You don’t have to deal with the consequences of feeling awkward, saying the “wrong thing” or freezing because you don’t know how to respond.

  • Info dumping can protect you from feeling rejected and embarrassed when you don’t know what to say in social exchanges.

orange kitten and puppy sleeping, text reads “not taking action as protection”

• Not Taking Action, Staying Still aka Self Sabotage

  • Because we learn and do things divergently, we can have a history of being seen as perpetual failures. We’re “doing it wrong” whatever “IT” may be in the eyes of others.

  • We actually learn and fill many “cups” of knowledge over time, so the results are more in-depth and complex when given the time to organically learn and apply knowledge. Our projects can be novel and creative when we have the right time and freedom.

  • And because of our inability to do certain tasks or skills like other people, we may have learned creative ways to accomplish things that work for us OR NOT. Sometimes we don’t have the skills to get something done.

  • Unfortunately, life and society are not supportive of this way of existing. To protect ourselves from being seen as failures and not “sticking” to things (even though it all adds to the bigger picture), we stop doing things.

  • We avoid the mockery, disappointing others over and over again, feeling the pain of not being perfect (because we’re so smart or have so much potential)

  • We could also enjoy thinking as a hobby instead of creating any “product”. Typical people could consider this a waste of time or potential. To again, bypass others’ disappointment or frustrations with us, we could hide our thoughts and appear like we “aren’t doing anything.”

A yellow boot on a wheel of a bright blue care, text reads “not taking action as protection”

• Another component of not taking action is being comfortable with the stagnation you’re in. This is universal.

• As we think about life cycles and wanting to change, we can sabotage or prolong things because it’s super comfortable knowing what you know, even if it’s not the best for you.

• Leaping into action and trying something new, even if it’s good for you, is SCARY.

• So instead of moving toward change over time, we could lock ourselves in places that keep us in an okay place with known consequences.

• The thing is, when we’re here long enough and have access to tools, we CAN unlock ourselves and move away from stagnation.

• When you’re young or vulnerable, you do NOT have access to tools and freedom to get away from certain situations.

• When you are unsafe, it makes sense to wait before working on change. Some people see you as the scapegoat or black sheep. If you change in unsafe moments, if can cause problems in the systems you belong to.

• To protect yourself from retaliation or other people not ready to see and believe your change, staying the same is a safer option.

Cropped image of a person wearing a business suit, holding a pen and book. Judge’s gavel and clip board blurred from field of view on desk. Text reads “correcting and judging others as protection”

• Correcting & Judging Others

  • This could be a quirk and want for accuracy.

  • It could also be a form of protection in a world where people are constantly reminding you what you’re doing wrong.

  • We could be seen as lazy, weird, awkward, socially inept, attention-seeking, dramatic, childlike, stubborn, making excuses, etc. People may not always directly say it, but we could feel it, and we can pick up (sometimes) on how other people think about us. And it can be draining and sad.

  • In order to bypass the focus on yourself and what’s “wrong” with you, you may adopt correcting others and judging them first.

  • We may be seen as judgemental and push people away. It further protects us from painful judgments we want to avoid.

A small wooden structure isolated in the mountains, background has fog and large pine trees. Text reads “withdrawing as protection”

Withdrawal

• A possible result of judging others and pushing them away is being seen as someone who withdraws.

• As most of us are extremely sensitive to stimulation of different kinds, our experiences could be constantly minimized and ridiculed. (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria)

• On top of being sensitive, our executive function profiles make certain life tasks difficult when they are easy for others. And that also can be met with mockery, frustration, eye-rolls, and being told we are lazy and making excuses. If only we “tried harder” we could get our lives together like other “functional” people.

• We could also deal with the cycles of grief our loved ones have of us not meeting our potential or mourning the loss of a “normal child” and it hurts to hear/see/feel that pain.

• As we feel stimulation deeply, so do the emotions we experience. They can consume us where we’d rather avoid such intense pain for disappointing the expectations and hopes of others.

A restaurant server with wavy brown hair in a ponytail smiling at a customer. Text reads “people pleasing as protection”

• People Pleasing

• Some of us seek connection and sensory feedback through social interactions, whether they are completely healthy or not.

• People pleasing can be that safe way to engage with others, especially authority figures, to avoid possible danger, being ridiculed, or feeling like a disappointment.

• This can come in the form of masking, suppressing our stims, not sharing what we value or want to talk about and just following scripts.

• There is nothing wrong with wanting to please others, however, if it comes at the cost of losing who you are and not being able to have your needs met, it is problematic.

• When it is unsafe to be yourself, it is understandable wanting to people please and become small yourself.

A tan and white chihuahua with puffy light blue pom poms on its ears. Text reads “entertaining as protection”

• Entertaining

• Another way we can bypass pain, rejection, or feeling misunderstood is to become an entertainer.

• You can make people laugh, make fun of your own quirks, and have a layer of protection from people reminding you of your “flaws and unmet potential”.

• Some gifted people hide their giftedness by not sharing themselves entirely. They may realize being funny is a safe way to be accepted. We may self-deprecate or focus more on our struggles to make other people feel better about themselves.

• Our gifts may indirectly make people feel inferior or angry, even frustrated and confused because of our asynchronous development.

• If we have many struggles in daily living that frustrate others, being an entertainer can also be a way for us to reduce being seen as a burden.

A person holding a bouquet of white flowers and baby’s breath flowers. The flowers are covering their face. Text reads “situational mutism as protection”

Situational Mutism

• We could be told to shut up when we infodump in our attempts to connect and share that we silence ourselves or develop situational mutism to protect ourselves from being silenced.

• Some of the responses I’ve had when sharing about important topics like social justice, politics, the news, death:

  • “No one wants to talk about that stuff.”

  • “Stop. You’re making it awkward.”

  • “No one else is interested in this topic but you.”

  • “Do you see anyone responding? They’re just being polite. Stop talking about it.”

  • “Are you done with your soapbox?”

• We can also be gaslit about our emotions and sensory experiences where we get quiet and decide not to share our worlds anymore. I tried sharing about my inflammation and joint pain with someone important and they yelled at me saying I was “making it up.” I stopped talking to them about my pain and anything of value after that.

• Somehow when we try to explain our pain, sensory, and learning differences to be UNDERSTOOD, we are met with anger, rejection, disbelief, and told we are making excuses for not trying hard enough.

• To protect ourselves from all of these very bad, potentially traumatic exchanges, we could develop situational mutism. It is unsafe to speak your truth.

A toddler in a dark grey dress and red Tshirt crying. Text reads “shutting down as protection”

• Shutting Down

  • Our bodies have cues that tell us different things. Shutting down is showing us a limit of some sort.

  • It can be a cognitive limit, sensory limit, emotional limit, skill limit, physical limit, or a mix.

  • The frustrating part about being neurodivergent is our brains and bodies are on the inside, and we don’t always know what’s going on, either. The neural wiring and extra white matter make stimulation affect us in very unique, intense ways.

  • Some of the different wiring results in pain from stimulation neurotypical people don’t experience. And when it’s not a typical experience, we or others around us wouldn’t know it’s something to ask about or share.

  • The bombardment we face from having to mask or minimize stimming can also add to shutting down, meltdowns, and outbursts. Instead of being able to self-regulate by stimming, we have to stop because it embarrasses others, or makes them angry that we’re doing something “inappropriate or distracting”.

  • We tried communicating in ways that showed our struggles, but they were misread and attributed to shame, laziness, and noncompliance. We determined it was safer to hide our pain until it shuts us down.

  • If this happens enough times, we may be in a prolonged state of shutdown, or it takes so much longer for us to move from shutdown to safety. (Therapy is very important here, healing with compassion, support and affirmative help and systemic change helps here.)

In an ableist society that continues to value people based on their ability to produce, differently wired people and disabled people will be told their lives matter less. We are told our existence is a burden and a drain on resources. There is much pain from society and the systems that fail us.

Some of these acts may be replaced with kinder and compassionate alternatives. For some of us, we will continue using these acts as signs of needing protection. Not everyone deserves to see all parts of you. Not everyone is safe to unmask around.

Until society supports and accepts differences with compassion, there will continue to be the need to protect ourselves, to be hypervigilant, and to question whether the next person or system we go into is safe or not.

Our identities can become highly fragmented or limited when we choose different personas to protect ourselves. The many reasons and contexts for protecting ourselves matter. As we slowly identify needs for protection and expand our self-understanding, we can move from living in survival mode to one of curiosity and possibility.

Protecting yourself is one part of you. When there is safety to explore, there can be a cultivated sense of inner peace, acceptance, or relief to take the masks off. You can live for yourself and your comfort, however that is defined. Bit by bit, you can reclaim and/or redefine what makes you YOU.

Words from Jamila Mahfudh, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

*coming soon*

Until this part is added, feel free to learn more about Jamila at JamilaTherapy.com

A Neurodivergent Gift & Curse: Over-Researching and Over Preparing

Researching and Preparing as Gifts

These two acts can be a special interest, talent, and gift others pair with us.

When thinking about hobbies, areas of study, and anything we may be fascinated with, there tends to be an element of research and preparation that neurodivergent minds gravitate towards.

Light greenish blue background. Thought bubbles with a bow and gift box. Over-researching and over-planning as gifts.

• It is a potential love language to share details and rabbit holes of research with those around us, or those we trust.

  • When comfortable, we can share stories, fun facts, and worlds of information about what we love with people we want to share that same love and fascination with. Is it a typical conversation? No, not really. It’s still a way to connect.

• We can help and inspire others to think of things they don’t usually think about. This could come out in the way of, “I never thought of that.” or “Your conversation made me think of this.”

• We can help reframe perspective and share the joy of learning, too. This can sometimes come out in the way of, “I don’t completely follow what you’re saying, but seeing you happy sharing makes me happy.” (This is the wish when we infodump)

• Learning about the history, contexts, and WHY of a concept could be as important or more important than building anything.

• We can impress people with our abilities to scour the internet, observe, or gather information through conversations. Putting the pieces together to form a story can be something we become skilled at. It can be a form of play to build mental maps of things we’re interested in.

• In addition to building mental maps of the things we’re curious about, we can even start accumulating things in preparation for something related to the topic, things like hobbies or areas of study.

• This experiential (and sometimes expensive or time-consuming) act of preparing, can make us very knowledgeable about the hows and whys within.

• This ability to map out information can make us go-to consultants for people needing insights on something “missing” or a bird’s eye perspective on a concern. We can also help identify patterns that people share, and what seems to be out of place for potential problem solving.

Example: Taking up watercolor or drawing comics as a new hobby.

In order to research and prepare for this new endeavor, you might do the following:

• Watch 150 YouTube videos on making art

• Follow 200 IG and TikTok art influencers

• Enroll in 3 art master classes online

• Spend $400 on art supplies, including different types of paper, inks, markers, brushes, and paints

• Order 10 books on the craft and nature of being an artist

• Make an artist setup with inspiration to create

• Pin thousands of images to your Pinterest board for inspiration and references

• Go to the museum, galleries, several art walks, and zine fests

• Add your thing here. We know there’s more lol (aka the ADHD tax)

You may start doodling and creating some artwork, but after a while…

You stopped creating. The hyper fixation is gone. You’re feeling unsure if this is worth it. There’s doubt and impending abandonment of the art supplies.

“It’s too difficult to keep this up. I feel like a failure. I might as well stop.”

So what happens? A few things. There are hibernations and abandoned projects, AND there’s this cyclical process of continuing to research and prepare. Why? Because there’s this underlying compulsion for perfection that sabotages any ability to try unless it’s “just right.”

Researching and Preparing as Curses

The shadow of being a thinker can show up in missing out on lived experiences that add nuance to the theory we’re so good at developing. There is safety in living in the realm of ideas and possibility. Here, you don’t get to disappoint yourself or others in the tangible world. In theory, you have a sense of control over the information and variables to look out for.

Pink background. Thought bubbles with sad faces and doll icon. Over-researching and over-planning as curses.

Even when rationalizing and having thought experiments can be such a joy, inspiration, and type of play, there are extreme ways of being that can make it difficult for us to be in a sense of flow in life.

Life is not all thinking and philosophizing. It’s also not all chasing adventures, eating all the things, and running marathons. Life is both.

• When our default is to think and analyze, we’re very attuned to our heads and the planning parts of life.

• This correlates with not being as attuned with our bodies, physical needs, or responses to the environment.

  • Thinking all the time can indirectly stop us from listening to hunger and thirst cues. Ever forget to eat or drink water?

  • We also may be more clumsy and bump into things, and get lost, EVEN THOUGH it’s supposedly a familiar environment or route. Doesn’t matter, bumped my head anyways.

• Living so long in our heads can make it uncomfortable to constantly practice doing things to learn about our bodies, or practicing something as a beginner.

  • Because we’ve mastered the art of thinking, we can be more comfortable staying a master here.

  • People may have ridiculed us for not doing things easily. We may be judged or mocked for having a difficult time doing things other people do without needing a road map. There could be shame or embarrassment for having to learn things a “child should already know.”

  • We can also be met with disbelief—people say we’re exaggerating hardships or reject our experiences. :(

  People can’t reject or judge you inside your head. There are potential internal and external obstacles to learning how to live in our bodies and the outside world.

Light purple background. World emoji smiling with pink hearts. Living in a world of and.

Cultivating Compassion & Redefining Who You Are

The larger culture has implicit messages of how to be, including how much thinking and doing a person “should” do. We can internalize these messages and be treated like there’s something wrong with us because we act differently. The frustrating and painful thing is the archetypes and stories of the thinker, planner, and philosopher are used in entertainment often. The fictional thinker is celebrated and mysterious, a muse to inspire. But real-life thinkers and rationals are mistreated for living our authentic paths, or paths we’ve created to protect ourselves from judgment and rejection.

• Living in a world of AND can help us become self-compassionate with our journeys of self-discovery and growth

  • We don’t have to be perfect, AND we started off with certain messages of needing to be experts at the things we do.

  • Life is an adventure, AND we can try things for the sake of having experiences NOT mastery.

  • Accepting that your default is to be cerebral AND you can practice listening to your body more can help build momentum toward changes that YOU want to do.

  • You can pick what works for you now AND get rid of harmful practices that are unkind, sabotaging, or inauthentic.

  • You have a gift for thinking AND can redefine how you want to do things to have more experiences in life.

  • You can acknowledge that change is difficult AND figure out smaller and safe ways to try new things without feeling overwhelmed by perfection.

  • You can practice affirmations and saying kind things to yourself (even when you think it’s cheesy), AND have faith that being kind to yourself will help with going on another cycle of change.

  • You can observe the “doers” and see what you’d like to try. Be curious about how you can do something like them, but on your terms.

light yellow background. Pink brain with glasses and question marks smiling. Caption states: what are some of the things the doers do that I’d like to try on my own terms?

Leading with Curiosity

Leading with Curiosity. A light green square with a dark brown bear. The bear has a thought cloud with a question mark. There are fruits beside text. The text is describe din detail below.

• What are the strengths people think I have?

  • It’s something we forget when we are overwhelmed and feel hopeless. We can forget the people who know us the most can also be the ones who can help uplift us.

  • Find and seek out people who can remind you what your strengths are.

  • Ask for 3 to 5 strengths, and if they can be specific with when they saw you with the strength.

• Is there a skill I want to try that people I admire do well?

  • Follow your heroes and fandoms!

  • What’s something you admire about their ability to do something?

  • If you can’t identify it, follow their journeys. Try and map out the moments that stand out most to you.

• How can I modify the new skill to make it MINE?

  • After we have heroes and references for skills and the possibility for change, the next step is to think about how to make it yours.

  • It can be modified with smaller steps, using different tools.

  • The skill itself can change for a different part of your life, or concern.

• Am I open to trying something new as an EXPERIMENT?

  • It’s easier to try stuff when it’s an experiment. We’re just gathering data, something you’re naturally inclined to do anyways. This time the data is about you and using different skills.

  • Experiments are safe because there’s no commitment to stick to it forever. You have to pause after a period of time to analyze the results.

• How will I know a new skill is working?

  • This could be an inner feeling. Something FEELS different.

  • It could also be something tangible and measurable. What small measurements and things can you identify to see that change happened?

  • Was it a change that you like and want to keep? Or is it a change that you’re not sure about? Take note of it.

  • Journaling or documenting your responses to these small changes can help you see if you want to continue with the new skills.
    

Change is about acceptance, practice, and being kind to yourself.

Acceptance includes seeing your strengths in a world that is forever trying to change you into something you’re not. Practice includes the smallest steps with REST across the lifespan. Being kind to yourself includes seeing yourself as worthy along each part of your life, whether you "accomplish” tasks or not. You’re wonderfully you because you exist~!

Knowing Yourself: Empowerment Through Self Knowledge

When I work with youth, adults or families, my primary coaching interventions relate to helping someone explore and find strengths in who they are. Sometimes the original goals revolve around wanting to navigate this world successfully because “something is off.”

When something is off, it tends to permeate all parts of a person’s life and story. Belonging to a misunderstood community(ies) can affect many or all parts of someone’s life. Whether it’s academics, social, emotional, work, relationship, physical wellness, or being stuck and not moving forward, our sense of self can affect all parts because these parts reflect who we are.

For those of us with marginalized and misunderstood parts and stories, we’ve been told to hide and deny ourselves authenticity to become chameleons to survive in a world that belongs to other people.

When we mask and hide ourselves, we are playing a perpetual game we cannot win. And that’s the truth for so many people. Whether “officially” diagnosed or self-diagnosed (or somehow we just know life is different for us) we see a bigger picture of how hard life is—simply because the systems in place deny us agency and chances to be who we’ve always been.

Who are “we”? We belong to twice exceptional, gifted, 2e gifted, neurodivergent, sensitive, creative, geeky, and disabled communities

Collectively, there are a lot of us. Historically and representation-wise, we have layers of being silenced, mocked, dismissed, and seen in parts. Our everyday struggles are erased when we have gifts, and our agency is dismissed when we are struggling. When attempting to speak up, it could be met with minimization, challenges, or toxic positivity. We seem to live in this perpetual space of not “disabled enough” to be believed, “too smart” to need help, and/or “needing too much support” where self-agency is denied.

Someone/Society: “I saw you successful once, or someone from your community successful once, so you shouldn’t have excuses for struggling. I saw someone else do it, you can too!” “Accommodations will just make you weak.”

Someone/Society: If you have so many (support) needs, you can’t be trusted to be independent in any area of life. Let us able-bodied and privileged people without an understanding of your whole person dictate how you should live your life!

The continual dismissals of our lived experiences could equate to being gaslit where we are uncertain of what reality actually is. It can be “crazy-making.”

It’s a potential space for feeling disempowered and voiceless. It can be a common reason why so many of us wear masks every day. We may become perceived as “defensive” and reactive when attempting to explain our inner experiences, and they could be met (again) with mockery and disbelief. It’s really difficult to explain what’s going on inside when you’ve had a lifetime of people saying you’re making it up.

Instead of trying to convince people our lives have hardships that others may not experience, we become silent and small. We’re not sure who to trust. We mask. We use all our reserves to survive in a world that asks the vulnerable and misunderstood to adapt. So we crash when we get home. We have meltdowns in our personal lives, or we freeze and limit interactions in spaces that are not safe for our whole, authentic selves to show up. And slowly, or very quickly, we become parts of who we used to be. We allow(ed) society and others to tell us what our worth is through external approval. Or it’s just easier to do it this way, and that comes at such a heavy cost of losing oneself.

Something isn’t right. Society shouldn’t be this way. People like me shouldn’t be treated like this. I’m seeing more people speak up about their experiences. I see very slow changes happening. I remember a part of myself that felt joy and authenticity. I want more of a connection with who I am. I want to figure out how to be ME (again), with compassion and curiosity.

Change Cycles - Awakening

After a while, or in cycles, you realize that something needs to change. The beautiful, confusing, frustrating, and liberating process of change can come in bits and pieces, or it can come together all at once.

We are in a constant process of becoming who we were before society told us to be someone we’re not.

And that’s the struggle and fight for your life. As you venture into initial cycles of awakening and change, it’s important to remember that you will repeat facing different monsters and battles. Lasting change involves going into battle, trying new tools and skills, coming back to rest, and reflecting on experiences. REST is essential.

Each time you go out to fight, gather information or explore, you are mapping out a new possibility of your world and who you are. Each time you try this possible identity and life, you are fighting the urge to go back to old habits, ways of thinking, and self-sabotage. This is the time to offer patience, grace, and compassion as we all have hiccups.

The natural process of change ebbs and flows with so many variables. We do not change and maintain change overnight. Even the best of us default to old ways when under extreme stress or uncontrollable situations. When this happens, because it will, it’s time to offer yourself additional kindness for being a human being with a past. Your default ways of coping served you well in times you needed to survive. Now that you are in a process of change, give yourself permission to see more of who you can be. In addition to a person who survived, you can be a person who is thriving and authentic in many ways.

And, whatever this authentic and thriving version of you looks like is also a process to explore. As you’ve spent a lifetime with this part(s) and version of you, consider this cycle of self-knowing where you are starting off as a baby, vulnerable and inexperienced in certain ways. This baby is depending on you for safety, knowledge, soothing, and nourishment. This is an opportunity to offer things you’ve needed from others by listening to yourself. Nurture your basic needs when others didn’t. Figure out what they are by taking these essential baby steps to listen to your body.

Protect this vulnerable part of you and give yourself time to grow and experiment safely.

This means identifying supportive and safe people to be vulnerable with. As someone who may be accustomed to being dismissed and misunderstood, you are now challenging this as truth. This is no longer the only truth in your life. You are empowering yourself by choosing with discretion who is allowed your energy, time, and access to your person.

Things about Change:

• Sometimes it involves learning new things, unlearning things we no longer need.

• Sometimes it involves applying new information to build new habits and ways of thinking.

• Sometimes it involves challenging what you believe is true or how others saw you.

• Sometimes it involves grief for your past self or things you lost.

• Sometimes you change and grow really quickly. Sometimes it’s a snail’s pace.

• Sometimes you will do nothing and that is a win towards maintaining change.

• The entire time, it involves learning how to love yourself no matter what happens.

Rediscovering, (Re)Learning

So now you’re at this place where you know something needs to change.

But, where do you start?

When we lose ourselves from masking or hiding parts because the outside world isn’t safe to be authentic, we can forget who we are. We may get stuck in playing roles for other people.

We’ve probably all changed our mannerisms and personas in different environments. We don’t act like we do around certain family members and teachers or supervisors. Context matters. There’s also the added layer of never or rarely having safety to take these masks off until you’re alone. When you can finally take the masks off…

UNMASKING: IT. IS. EXHAUSTING.

So, let’s break it down to the most simple components of identity and exploration.

• What brings you joy?

  • If you don’t know, what do you want to try?

• How do you play?

  • What are your perceptions of play across the lifespan?

• Do you have internalized negative messages about being a certain way?

  • If yes, forgive yourself for believing harmful things to survive in unsafe places.

  • What if other people were wrong about you?

  • What if they didn’t give a fair chance of seeing the world through your eyes?

• What are some objects or activities that bring you comfort?

  • When you are ready, do more of these things around safe people to unmask.

• Who are your favorite characters? Heroes, archetypes?

  • What do you admire most about them?

  • What are your favorite or most memorable stories about these characters?

• What are your fandoms or special interests?

  • If you don’t know, what are you curious about?

• What did you do before someone or society shamed you for doing it?

• What are some cultural components of your life experiences that are not always understood?

Take your time going through these areas of exploration.

• What are some of your hopes and wishes?

• Who was that one person who offered kindness when you need it the most?

• Where can you safely (re)discover the things that brought you joy as a kid?

• Name some safe people and communities to explore who you are.

• What do you believe about resting “too much” in this society?

  • We all need rest. This culture glorifies working yourself to death. It is inhuman to work without rest. We are allowed to enjoy ourselves while we are alive.

• What did society tell you about being worthy only when you’re “productive” or make X amount of money?

  • The Social Model of Disability can help support transformation by seeing things systemically and affirmatively.

• What things do you need help with at home?

  • What’s the ideal chore schedule, or lack of chore schedule for YOU?

• What does your sensory profile look like?

  • What fills your sensory cups and what drains them, and when does it change?

• Do you explain the way you process information and communicate to others?

  • When you learn about this part of you, it will help others better understand how to communicate with you, too.

Why are these things important?

We’ve spent a lifetime believing there was something wrong with how we processed information and experienced the world. We’ve spent a lifetime becoming smaller and silent where we are not always sure of who we are. Neurodivergent and disabled people are more likely to be abused and develop codependent traits where they seek approval and chase validation in relationships. This is mistaken as love and can be perpetual. Wanting love from someone who misunderstands you or denies your experiences can shape a person where they are unsure of how they feel or even what their identity is.

These questions and bullet points can help start a process of reclaiming who you are. It’s like building a house. Your interests and relationship with yourself are the foundation. How does your brain work? What’s the most effective way you communicate? Learning how to play again, and experience joy without shame can help build a strong home for you to thrive in.

When we chase others for validation, we are asking them to tell us when we are worthy. When we can firmly identify our interests and how our brains and bodies engage with this world, we are taking up space and seeing our worth just as we exist. We can learn that love is not conditional. We can learn that all our parts are worthy as they are.

Differentiation of Self

When you know yourself, what other people say will no longer make you feel small. It can still hurt, and you can set boundaries and state expectations. Their stuff doesn’t change your value as a person.

When we change, we do not change in a vacuum. One of the tests of change is to see (safely) if you can maintain a sense of self around other people. Each individual and group dynamic will change.

*Note: Some people are not safe and you do not need to prove anything to them. Please consider talking to a therapist or coach about which people are safe to be authentic around.

Some considerations:

Change in systems (relationships and groups of people) involves collective shifts in energy, perceptions, and roles. Since certain roles and expectations, and how people were treated existed for X amount of time, it takes time for systems of people to see the change as well as adjust.

Differentiation of Self:

In Bowen Family Systems, being able to maintain a sense of who you are without succumbing to the pressures, past pain, expectations, or anxiety of a system requires “going back into the system” or going back home (when safe). In general, the expectations of others will not affect you, even in close proximity. When there is stress to change, you are able to manage the stress more consistently. It doesn’t mean you are completely at peace or calm around influential people. It means you’ve developed stronger ways to cope and come back to yourself. Other people no longer control your sense of self and inner peace.

Cut-offs or Extreme independence:

When our original systems model chaos and unsafe places to work through discomfort and conflict, we may inherit or develop extreme independence or cut-offs from people. This can help alleviate anxiety and pain, but these patterns may persist into other relationships in life where you do not want to have cut-offs. It can be a default relationship pattern that needs to be acknowledged and slowly worked on.

Some people are safe to be around. Some people DO want to work through conflict with you where cut-offs are not necessary.

Dependence or Fusion:

Another extreme relationship pattern can be where one person is OVERLY attuned to someone else. Your problems become their problems. They want to know everything about your life and get upset when you’re not doing it how THEY think you should. It can become controlling and highly volatile where you feel like you have no space to breathe,—you are always being watched and judged.

Your identity gets misperceived as a part of theirs. They can be seeing your life experiences from the outside, so they think they know how to solve your problems because they are so invested. An added problem here is they do not know what is going on inside of you, and the battle you have weighing the pressure of other people and your inner wants and authenticity.

Interdependence:

We are social beings. The most influential people and systems in our lives create default relational patterns we have to identify and examine across the lifespan. Just because you spent a part of your life having one relational pattern with certain people doesn’t mean it has to stay this way. As we age, our roles change. As we grow, others can grow with us. If you want to change a relationship dynamic, it can move from one extreme to a unique balance of interdependence.

If you cut off certain people and want to grow closer (on your own terms), go for it. This takes time, practice, and adjustment for everyone involved. You get to define and express how close or distant you want to be with others.

It can be a fluid practice where people can experiment and see what works and doesn’t, or needs more practice to get used to. When it’s seen as an experiment, there is less pressure to get it right the first few times.

Homeostasis & Self-sabotage:

There is a power of systems to go back to default ways. When you go back home for the holidays, ever feel a shift in how you are away from home? That’s the power of systems. Scents remind us of old memories. Visual cues take us back to how we used to be. Even people can spark certain neural pathways and muscle memory of how things used to be. And that’s normal. And that’s okay. It happens.

There will be times when you lose yourself in the original systems you come from. There will be times when you default to old ways because it’s easier to mask or show a part of yourself against a system that powerfully wants to tell you to go back. When this happens, self-compassion. When this happens, acknowledgment and acceptance that you’re doing the work, AND it’s a slow process of moving forward, resting, backward, resting. It’s an organized mess. lol

Your change process is unknown, yet it can be fluid, with moments of rest. The same goes for athletes and working out. When you exercise, there must be rest days. There is emotional and physical tearing that’s happening. Give yourself time to rest and recover. It builds resiliency to come back for more work. IF there is self-sabotage, know that this also happens and is common. We do not run sprints constantly. Even if we run marathons, it takes months or years to build the stamina to do so. There’s no rush to get all the change in one go. We are undoing a lifetime of things. We build slowly and sprint when it feels right.

Self Advocacy & Empowerment

When systems and archetypal work create a foundation for self-understanding, there is this concurrent nudge for self-advocacy and personal empowerment.

When you know more of who you are, and can maintain this sense of self around influential people and spaces, you also develop a stronger voice. As sensitive, misunderstood people, we might have grown up feeling silenced, ignored, or having to scream for our validation/needs.

Self-advocacy and empowerment are a little different where you stand firmly in your truths and can communicate expectations and needs without feeling small. Defensiveness dissipates.

And sometimes when you’re speaking your truth, other sensitive, neurodivergent, or creative people may be watching. They’re taking mental notes of your authenticity and voice. It permeates their being and they start exploring who they are, too.

Safety in Community, Uplifting Others

A ripple effect can happen where your authenticity catalyzes authentic expression in others.

“Someone like me feels safe to be themselves, and they’re figuring it out in vulnerable ways. They’re falling apart at times, but also coming back with strength and more of who they are! They are taking up space!”

So an invisible army forms because we mirror one another. We see the truth in each other’s stories and honor the beauty of divergence. Because we decided to take leaps of faith to step into our power and take up space, others will, too. When we continue to take up space authentically, society will adjust. The misperceptions of difference will change.

Does this mean society changes now? No, but with enough of us, it will.

Reading Recommendations:

• The Hero’s Journey of Neurodivergence Self-Acceptance - Katy Higgens Lee

• Jean Shinoda Bolen (archetypes)

• Caroline Myss (archetypes)

• Unmasking Autism - Devon Price, PhD

• Super Better - Jane McGonigal, PhD

• We are Not Broken - Eric Garcia

• The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills - Sonny Jane Wise

• Interoception Awesomeness - Kelly Mahler, Occupational Therapist
  
  
  
  

8 Lies Creatives Tell Themselves

The greater culture has done a great job at sabotaging the creative journeys of plenty of us. We internalize these external messages of how to live, and what art is "supposed" to mean in a person's life. We struggle, a lot. These are some common lies I hear or personally experienced. They may resonate with you, and they may not. 

Please know that it is normal to feel this way in a world that does not support the creative path.

We have a lot of unlearning to do, to live authentically without these damaging messages. You have talents to nurture. You have dreams to work towards. You have creative outlets to explore. Challenging these negative thoughts and lies can help a creative person live more authentically. 

LIES WE TELL OURSELVES AS CREATIVES:

• I’m not good enough to show or sell my work.

• You have to be born with artistic talent.

• I have to make a lot of money before I can practice art.

• My family and friends have a lot of power with their opinions on my life.

• I need to make and show art for free until I get famous. “Exposure” myth.

• Attention to imperfect art is dangerous. It’s not finished!

• There is something embarrassing or shameful about choosing this path.

• You have to be emotionally intense or live with pain to be creative. If I lose this, I can’t create.

ANTIDOTES TO THESE LIES:

• We all start in the beginning. Comparing will bring you down. Asking how someone got there gives you skills and supports others.

• Even the masters start as apprentices. Masters put in work, and so will you.

• Art is natural and has positive benefits to our lives. It is essential every day.

• They may be afraid because of stereotypes, and they don’t have answers for you. Show them you will be okay by living for your values and joy. Some will come around.

• This is how people take advantage of struggling artists. Thriving artists know their worth and will take payment for their work. If people want it, they should pay for it. Or, make money to make art.

• Showing works in progress is BRAVE. You can learn how to take critique and grow as an artist. This takes practice. Start with small projects and people you trust and admire.

• Being an artist is one of the most courageous things in this life. Lots of people wish they could do the same. Know that their reactions are about them, not you.

• Our creativity comes from being able to see and think differently; we see more of everything. Artists tend to feel and see more in general. It doesn’t mean we can’t create when we are joyful or at peace. Pain is one emotion of many. We can have inspiration from all emotional experiences; joy is felt more strongly because we know how dark and paralyzing sadness can be.

Boonie's VIDEOS:

• Fashion & Art Student Admission Tips

• Message to Artists Starting College

• Some Ways to Talk to Young Children About Art

• Creatives as Leaders?

• Message to Gamers, Geeks, & Artists

• Questions on Creativity & Mental Illness

More Artist Resources

Gifted Students & Preventing Boredom

Being gifted can be defined in numerous ways; some of us are naturally talented with learning instruments or languages. Others are athletic phenoms. For those who are exceptionally curious, public schooling may be paradoxical to one's desires to learn.

The conversations I've had with gifted individuals in-person and online reverberate with disappointment of the education system, and insatiable appetites for knowledge. Some people were born to sing, others dance. 

Many gifted people are born to acquire and apply knowledge. It is like breathing. 

To limit a gifted person's abilities to seek and acquire knowledge can have severe consequences in the future. Some of these consequences may be: feelings of resentment towards others who don't have a similar perspective on acquiring knowledge, impaired social skills, limited ranges of emotional expression, increased self-doubt with one's gifts or talents. 

Over time, having one's intellectual curiosities unfed can lead to feelings of inauthenticity, frustrations with learning, feeling robotic or repetitive, or resentments for others who don't understand. Many gifted students can become bored because their schooling isn't considered stimulating. Many can also start acting out in class or on the playground because they are being misunderstood, or frustrated with having their needs unmet. 

Some ways to reduce boredom in the classroom (for all students):

• creative options for assignments

• reading lists for each topic of study

• open discussion times (for more vocal students to participate)

• mentoring & tutoring (gifted students can find purpose with giving back)

• student teaching (students may be able to share additional resources or information related to the topic being studied)

• allow doodling during lecture

• social groups (gifted students may feel less misunderstood when meeting others who think similarly)

To read more of my Quora response on giftedness & boredom, click here. 

More Quora answers on Giftedness:

• What are some tips for parenting gifted children?

• What causes boredom in school?

• Helping your bored & smart kindergartner 

• Some things gifted people want others to know:

Felicia Day's Book Tour

Felicia Day's Book Tour, Los Angeles, 2016

I was invited by another geek therapist, The Mindful Misfit MFT, to attend this book tour. She messaged me on FaceBook and asked, 

"Do you know Felicia Day?"

In my head I was thinking, "Uh, yes?!" (I've followed her since her YouTube days with The Guild, and it empowered me to be more of my geek and gamer self at the time. It was so relateable, and sad and funny to see a script based on the lives of online gamers.)

So it turns out, Felicia Day wrote a memoir. And in this memoir is very personal things about growing up with home schooling, acting, and being a professional creative female. She also talks candidly about her depression and gaming addiction when things got overwhelming for her. 

Even though she lived with her brother and home schooled with him, it seemed like they never connected until they gamed together. I resonate with this statement because my brother also introduced me to World of Warcraft. We didn't have much to say to each other in person, but gaming and having goals to accomplish as a team really connected us. 

Bringing people together is one wonderful aspect of gaming. 

Wil Wheaton interviewing Felicia Day

Some tidbits that I wanted to share from the talk she had with Wil Wheaton are the following:

Collaborate & Seek Others: 

Both Wil and Felicia talked about how isolating it can be as an artist with depression and/or anxiety. Sometimes it feels like a burden to share so much emotion with others. Wil disclosed how he felt so bad that Felicia was going through this pain and didn't have anyone to share it with. He was right there and didn't even know. And that's how depression can be for many of us. 

Self-worth and Pressure on Achievement: 

Perfectionism is a curse for many creatives, and it limits the enjoyment of creation. Both paired their self-worth and ability to be liked by others with approval and tangible outcome. Wil and Felicia are both working on this self love and acceptance, and shared that it is enough just being you. You are enough without the accolades and accomplishments. 

How to Balance Work/Life as an Artist:

The practical advice came as learning what your baseline is. This is in terms of one's depression and anxiety. Each of us has a baseline that we stray from in times of stress or high emotion. Taking time to acknowledge what we look like without any stress can help us work towards maintaining the ups and downs closer to this baseline. 

o Coping Skills: Figure out what works for you, and what doesn't work for you.

o Self-Monitor: Sometimes we're so busy, we don't take notice of how we're feeling and our body's internal state. Start noticing what's going on when we feel certain ways can help bring us back to that baseline.

"Find a place to perform for the love & joy of performing." -Wil Wheaton

Boonie Sripom & Felicia Day! <3

A part that struck a chord with me is the overall society view of art. It's seen as something as a hobby, something that couldn't really be compensated well until one becomes a celebrity. Being in the middle of unknown and well-known has its financial and emotional consequences. Both Wil and Felicia touched on this topic of money, and said,

"Make art...creative outlet for the sake of creativity." -Wil Wheaton

"You do it because you want to get your voice out there."-Felicia Day

(on whether her YouTube series would be successful now, and advice to others thinking of making work on YouTube)

Felicia advocated for seeking a therapist as an artist or geek. Her writing of this memoir helped sort through many of her life's moments, gave herself permission to fail, and acknowledge that she has accomplished so much. She encourages more of us to write that memoir to see how healing telling our story can be.

Thank you so much, Felicia! 

Anxiety Gaming connects online gamers to therapists

Felicia gave me one resource, Anxiety Gaming, and it is a nonprofit that connects gamers with therapists. The nonprofit can help pay for services. I hope to work with them soon. 

If these tips from Wil & Felicia are difficult to implement or maintain, give me a call! I'm in the OC area and love to help fellow artists, geeks, and gamers level up. (949)381-1894

Take care,

Boonie

Purchase the Book here:

 You're Never Weird On the Internet (almost): a Memoir, Felicia Day, 2015

Additional Links:

The Guild YouTube webseries

Felicia Day's Official Website

Wil Wheaton's Official Website

Connect Online Gamers With Therapists | Anxiety Gaming

Geek Links | Organized Messes

Links on Creativity | Organized Messes

Wondercon 2016

Link is playing video games at Wondercon 2016

I attended Wondercon this year on Sunday, and spent two of the six hours being lost, and searching for my party. So! What I learned from this visit was if I am going with a group who has a diverse range of interests, it's a good idea to plan times to meet up, instead of trying to follow each other around the entire time. It was packed. In a good way. 

Ghostbusters cosplay 

The age range was really nice to see. It's still family-oriented where children can see vendors and activities for them. 

Avatar Kyoshi cosplay

I admit that I giggled, and jumped up and down when I saw this Avatar cosplay. I love Avatar! 

Selfie with Avatar Kyoshi & me with tears of joy LOL

This was one of the cosplays that made my day! :) 

Easter cosplay for Joker and Harley Quinn

It's a wonderful sight to see little ones involved with cosplay culture, while their parents help ensure it's fun and appropriate. 

Black Cat and Spiderman Cosplay

The event lulled when it was time to get food. There were food trucks serving $20 meals, with a 45 minute wait to get your food. A recommendation is to bring your own food and drink when possible. Tickets to Wondercon are only $16 on Sunday. 

the Professor from Powerpuff Girls

I love seeing props like stuffed animals used in cosplay. It adds a little fun and imagination. 

Wonderwoman and (?)Black Widow Children's Cosplay

These girls were so smiley to have their photo taken (with parent's permission, of course). It's awesome to see girls empowered to be their favorite heroes here and potentially in the real world, too.

Bob's Burger's Cosplay

I had to chase her down a couple times, and she was super friendly with my asking to take her photo. 

Kingdom Hearts Cosplay

It's always a treat to see cosplay with weaponry. The craftsmanship is something I admire. 

Legend of Korra Cosplay

I am a huge Avatar fan, and and even huger water tribe fan! I was overwhelmed with joy to see people from "my tribe" LOL

Children cosplaying Loki and Spiderman

These kiddos also smiled so wide as I asked for their photo. The time taken to choose the costume, and find its elements probably contributed to some quality family time together. 

Travis Hanson, Children's book illustrator and author

Travis Hanson and I chatted about our processes with writing and illustrating. His words and journey are very inspiring. He is a very talented and humble person, and I wish him all the success in the world. 

Deadpool Cosplays

A part of cosplay (like Halloween) is giving adults permission to act silly and playfully. It's refreshing to see adults not be constricted by social definitions of what it is to be "an adult".

Unknown cosplay, really cool armor

I'm not sure what her cosplay is, but the weapon and armor are pretty darn neat.

Disney's Belle Princess Cosplay

At the end of the day, we all got together to walk across the street to our cars or taxis. Even Disney princesses needed to find their way home after a long day of magic and creativity. 

Cosplay With Tayliss Forge

I had the pleasure of meeting Tayliss at a local Barnes and Noble. I was reading, and overheard her awesome conversation on the cosplay and geek community being inclusive. I thought it was wonderful to hear positive perspective of geek culture where it allows so many to represent themselves how they want to. I introduced myself, and we exchanged information. I've been following her on Facebook, and wanted her to share some words to hopefully share more insight into the cosplay and Steampunk communities. 

Tayliss Forge - Steam Aristocrat, Photo taken by Simply Colorful 

1. How would you explain cosplay to the average person?

Cosplay stands for costume-play. It is the concept of dressing up as a character (pre-created or original). Most commonly you will see characters from anime, films, sci-fi, etc. Cosplay can be handmade, purchased, or commissioned from other artists.

2. How has cosplay culture changed your life?

I feel as though I'm not part of a convention until I'm dressed up. I'm a rather introverted person, so it's much easier for me to have someone come up to me and talk about my costume then me going up to random people. I've met so many people through costume creating. I have improved socially since I first started and also have made a name for myself creating what I love.

Tayliss Forge - Steampunk Assassin, Photo taken by Simply Colorful 

3. What are some kinds of stigma you've heard of cosplayers, and what do you think people can learn from cosplayers themselves?

People seem to stereotype cosplayers as young individuals who don't have jobs and spend all their money on costumes and conventions. This isn't usually the case. Cosplay is for all age groups and it is very expensive and requires a job to afford. Cosplayers are still helping the economy and doing something productive with their creative minds. Learning how to manage a creative hobby and real life is something anyone can learn from a cosplayer.

4. What is your favorite costume or item to make?

My favorite item that I've made is my steampunk wire wrap elf ears. It was something I attempted on my first try. It inspired many people to make similar products within the steampunk and renaissance communities.

Tayliss Forge - Steampunk Elf Ears

5. What are some tips or words of encouragement for those wanting to start cosplaying or participating in geek culture? 

Cosplay is not easy. There will always be people who will tear you down to bring themselves up just like any community. If you're having fun, it doesn't matter what people think. Use cosplay as a way to get out there and show everyone the real you! Start with small projects and work your way up to more difficult projects. Nothing will be perfect your first try, but there is always time to improve it. Do cosplay for yourself and no one else.

Tayliss Forge cosplaying as Hextech Janna from League of Legends, Photo taken by Simply Colorful 

How can we contact you or stay updated with your creations? 

You can friend or follow me on my personal facebook page facebook.com/Taylissforge. I post regularly photos of my costume photography larping, and other projects. I also sell my work through etsy.com/shop/nonconformity and take custom commissions. 

On Art (& Gaming) 005 - Kristin Mullinax

Art, and what defines it, has changed significantly over the years. “Good art is art that allows you to enter it from a variety of angles and to emerge with a variety of views.” (Schmich, Mary). In the primitive era, cave paintings were considered art. In the 15th century art was often defined by ingenious written works, lavish paintings, and silver- tongued orators. I believe I, as a millennial, am experiencing a significant shift in what is considered art and have, perhaps, the broadest assortment to choose from. In my generation art can encompass anything from traditional mediums, such as paint and the written word, to non-traditional mediums, such as technology. To me, art is multidimensional in its execution and its consumption. To the artist, art is a pouring out of the soul through a medium.  To the viewer, art provokes contemplation, motivation and action. Art is deep, meaningful communication that moves people.      

    I’m a gamer. For those who don’t understand the term, it means someone who plays video games on a regular basis. I started playing games regularly when I was a kid, then life got in the way and I stopped for many years. Some may say that stopping was a good thing but I disagree. Gaming taught me resourcefulness, problem solving, how to work hard to reach my goals and how to feel confidence; things my parents neglected to instill in my sister and me.

In an article titled “The Millenials are coming,” Marian Salzman says of Millenials “Some of them are the greatest generation… They have these tools to get things done… They are enormously resourceful.” This reminds me of my sister and me when we were younger. We grew up as latchkey kids who, more or less, raised ourselves. To stave off boredom we developed keen imaginations that kept us busy for hours. When our imaginations failed us, we read books or watched cartoons on TV.  Then, one evening, my father brought home a computer he purchased; along with a box of random software and hardware, from a man he worked with. The only internet connection available to us was dial-up which was prohibitive in its slow speed. With internet use limited, my sister and I played the games that came with the computer.

    My favorite game to play then was called “Jill of the Jungle.” In this game you play as an Amazon woman named Jill who zips through the trees on vines as she fights various jungle monsters. Jill was strong and brave; the polar opposite of my timid self, and I aspired to be her. For a while the hope of that identity shaped how I acted. However, that dream didn’t last for long. Merely surviving the popularity contest of middle and high school consumed most of my time and energy. My childlikeness began to be replaced with insecurity and games were not “cool” for girls, so I stopped playing them.

     In “Outcast Generation” the author writes “My new friend… introduced me to a world...where I never thought I would find others like myself.” By the time I was 23, I had moved to Seattle, left my religion, and was in the process of reinventing my life. I felt lost and foreign to Seattle until I met the man I dated for a while. He was an avid gamer and he introduced me to a game called Legend of Zelda. Legend of Zelda is an action adventure game about a boy named Link who is on a quest to save his homeland, Hyrule; and the princess Zelda from a man named Ganon. In order to progress through the levels the player often must solve puzzles, problem solve and think critically about their next steps. The game highlights friendship, loyalty, and courage. I carried elements I learned in the game out to my everyday life and applied the principles to situations at home and work. Once again, games began to inspire change in me and shaped parts of my identity. As Dave Marsh said, in “Fortunate Son,” “No longer did I feel powerless, and if I still felt cheated, I felt capable of getting my own back, someday, some way.” Through gaming I felt equipped to step out into the world and pursue my dreams.

    The game I most love is called “The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim.” Even as an older game, it is still one of the most immersive and aesthetically pleasing games available. It is an open world, adventure RPG (role playing game) in which you create a character who will become the Dragonborn: the savior of Skyrim who defeats the dragons who have been terrorizing its people. Open world games are fascinating, they're created to have very large boundaries so that players can explore the world where the game is set. A player can choose to travel around a mountain, or climb it; they wade through a river or simply follow it to their destination. The player levels up by gathering resources, forging weapons and tools, and practicing their skills all while accepting quests to assist Skyrim’s inhabitants. This game has, perhaps, shaped me the most as an adult.

    My character is a woman. She is brave, she fights dragons daily, as well as other monsters that stalk the land. She is a fierce dual wielder who attacks her enemies with the speed and precision of a well-trained warrior.  She is also a skilled magician who can call fire from the sky and ice from the air around her. I aspire to be like her; with obvious exceptions. In real life I try to be brave, I work towards being strong in body and in mind, I practice and study to develop skills needed to pursue my goals.  The vivid world I play in has inspired me to create a similar world for myself. I live in an open world, I can travel around the mountain or I can climb it; I can wade through the river or follow it to my destination. I haven't battled dragons or search for treasure, I haven't joined any guilds or helped shop owners locate missing items, but my life is an adventure nonetheless. My quests are my goals and dragons are challenges I face along the way. Like my character when a dragon looms above her, when I encounter a problem in life, I fortify myself and I draw my sword. When I approach problems as I would in the game I am able to think through them and execute appropriate solutions.

    I am not an anomaly. The gaming community is large and in it you will find many creative, passionate, driven people. Gamers live much of their lives on a quest for excellence; even if excellence is obtained by getting the highest score in Mario, maxing out our Two Handed weapon skill, or creating the perfect replica of Altair’s sword for our costume. Games feed our imaginations, but they also feed our drives. Game designers, who create these stunning worlds and orchestrate mind boggling challenges, are definitely artists. Their art speaks; it inspires and motivates a group of people who may not be driven by promises of wealth or fame, but by promises of titles such as Vault Hunter or Dragonborn.

---

Kristin's MBTI preference is INFP, and she is a college student and creative. This is just one of many perspectives of a gamer, and it's so awesome to step into her world with her words. 

5 Things About Comikaze - Artists, Comics, & Cute Things

Ashley A. Woods, illustrator for niobe. she is super kind, and enthusiastic. I think she teared up hearing me speak on my love of art and children ^__^ thank you for representing and making an amazing story~ 

Comikaze is a convention created by Stan Lee where lovers of geek, sci-fi, tech, pop-culture, fantasy, video games, and anime culture could get together and share their interests. Yes, San Diego Comic Con and countless superhero movies (Avengers, Batman, Spiderman...etc) did put geek culture on the map for others to enjoy. Comikaze is a little smaller, with less emphasis on creating a geek and popular-culture community by and for community members. 

This was the fourth annual Comikaze convention, and I've attended the first and fourth year. It's amazing to see how much growth and cohesion a community can have within four years. I can't wait to go next year. Here are some photos from the event:

5 Reasons Why Comikaze & Other Comic Events are Awesome

1) You get to share a joy you have with others.

If you are a parent, you can share your geeky side with your kids, or get to know your child better by sharing in their joys and their world. :)

2) You can discover new interests.

Liking comics and/or anime can lead you to discovering you have an interest in certain video games, sci-fi or fantasy culture. It can be difficult finding venues that cater to specific interests, so these conventions can help you find what you're looking for and explore new joys.

3) You can connect with others.

There was a stronger stigma with geek culture in the past, and I acknowledge that things are getting better. Sometimes it can still feel isolating having the interests you have, and not being able to talk to someone about it. Attending conventions can help find your tribe. This does take some bravery to talk to strangers, though. After a couple conversations, maybe you'll start following each other on Pinterest or Instagram, and become friends in the future. 

4) You can support local artists.

This is important to me. When conventions get really big, it's not easy for local artists to get their art out there any more. Comikaze is still small enough where there's a huge section of the venue allocated for local and small businesses. I think this is important to help promote a healthy artist community.

5) You can fuel creative inspiration.

As a creative individual, seeing what others are making can help guide your creative process. You can ask each other for tips on materials, deals on production, and support each other emotionally and financially. It was awesome seeing artists freely share how they made their work, and resources they had on how to market. I think sharing tools keeps the community strong. 

If you went to Comikaze, did you cosplay? I wore my My Little Pony (MLP) shirt, and noticed lots of Harley Quinns and Deadpools. One day was not enough to walk through the entire venue and enjoy myself. So next year, I hope on going for at least two days.