8 Play Personalities: Video Games to Consider for Each Type

This is a very short list of play personality descriptions and some correlating games to look into. If you know any games that could support a certain play personality, please share in the COMMENTS!

Archetypes are everywhere~ When we are gamers or have gamers in our lives, it can be confusing and overwhelming attempting to understand the merit and strength of an unknown world. With individual balance and perspective can we and gamers in our lives learn to identify what their personal preferences are. If we have one play personality, people with different preferences may be misperceived as spending their time “incorrectly or haphazardly.” It’s similar to a framework of Love Languages where miscommunications can happen because our languages are different.

This list can start conversations and respectful exploration of what creates and instills joy in the people in our lives. It can help bridge misunderstandings, and also invite people to play with the gamers in their lives. We have different reasons to play and different ways to play. They are all valid. A connecting way to build relationships can be honoring how someone plays and facilitating communication through the lens of play.

Play Personalities:

(Referencing Play (pg. 65-70) by Stuart Brown, M.D., founder of the National Institute for Play)

We can use play personalities and other archetypal systems to identify and categorize how we see our gamers and the types of play that matter most to them. For example, Stuart Brown, M.D. identifies 8 play personalities:

The Joker

This may involve silly and nonsensical play. Many games with funny themes or jokes can be a primary source of joy for a Joker. This person may also become a comedian or witty person who has a talent for finding humor in everyday moments. In a world that is too serious and overbearing with bad news, it’s a great outlet to explore and play games that have a lighthearted component. There could be a theme of life is meant to be seen as a range of emotions, where laughter and silliness are important parts of human experience and connection.

• Totally Accurate Battle Simulator

• Ultimate Chicken Horse

• Broken Bones IV (Roblox)

• Fall Guys

• Granny Simulator

• Untitled Goose Game

I am very serious about wellness, but when playing video games my silly side comes out. Here is a video of me playing Cyberpunk 2077 and learning how to drive. Every game has the potential to bring out different personalities. It is just like tools and perspectives—it depends on the person and how you use the tool or game. I decided to use this game as a playful outlet during the beginning of Quarantine. Enjoy :)

The Kinesthete

This type of play involves moving one’s body for the sake of moving the body. There is not much emphasis on competition, but we also have more than one preference in play personalities. A kinesthetic could be an athlete, someone who needs to run and move their body to express joy. There could also be a feeling of connection with the world around you as you move with and observe (also with the Explorer personality). A Kinesthetic personality could play through dance, yoga, building things, taking things apart, and probably learn best by doing. There can be a theme of move and do first, learn and consolidate information and meaning after. (I observe this with SP personality types in the Myers Briggs preferences AND sensory-seeking neurodivergent people).

• VR Games (STEAM)

• DDR

• Just Dance Now

• Just Dance 2022

• Beat Saber

The Explorer

An Explorer finds joy and exhilaration in expanding possibilities and researching areas of interest. According to Brown (2009), this can include the physical and abstract where anything from chasing unknown expanses of the world, participating in food adventures, conducting experiments of all kinds, to rabbit hole researching on the internet or at the library all serve different forms of satiating the desires to explore and know more. A possible theme for the Explorer could be “There is so much beauty and joy in the physical world and concepts around us. We can learn about ourselves and others if we participated fully in this adventure of life.”

• The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

• Genshin Impact

• Minecraft

• Subnautica

• Best Open World Games (PC Gamer)

• Games that challenge problem solving skills

The Competitor

I pair this play personality with the Perfectionist in this blog. Winning and mastery can become joyful endeavors. You can see this person cranking hours upon hours researching game strategies, practicing their sport, and watching the best in the game compete. There is a rush with being the best, winning, and accumulating points or in-game currency to purchase upgrades and other game-related items. Having a Competitor play archetype can be a gift where you are persistent, driven, and able to focus on long-term goal accomplishments. Playing competitively can also be a way to channel strong emotions after a tough day or channel energy in general. A potential theme for Competitors could be: Competition is healthy, and I have what it takes to improve myself in the things that interest me. I can even be the best in these things.

• League of Legends

• Super Smash Bros

• Fortnite

• Bed Wars (Minecraft)

• Elden Ring

• Games with guilds, ranked PVP, raids, and boss events

• Games that require upgrades and “grinding” to level characters and armor up, achievements

The Director

Brown (2009) states Directors are born organizers of events and scenes. These charismatic people can be seen telling other kids where to go and what to do on the playground, even as young as preschool. I remember seeing young Directors telling other kids what the rules of the game were, what everyone’s roles were, and how to execute their lines of dialogue. Some potential gifts related to being a Director include seeing the natural gifts of others and helping them shape their identities. A theme of Director could be: “…the world’s a stage and the rest of us are only players in the Director’s game” (Brown, 2009, p.68).

• Simulation games

• Real-Time Strategy (RTS)

• Games with generations and evolution, mutation possibilities

• Spore

• Stellaris

• Age of Empires

• Civilization

The Collector

I notice many neurodivergent and 2egifted people have Collector play personalities. There is a need to collect things ranging from tangible, intangible, and experiential things. Having special interests, there could be a want to collect, sort, and classify tangible things like rocks, toys, cards, figurines, trains, toy cars, collectibles, stuffies, leaves, or fossils. OR there could be a mix of wanting to observe and feel a range of emotional experiences. Backpacking across the world to surround oneself with different cultures and foods could be a form of play.

In video games, like Pokemon, the motto is “Gotta catch ‘em all” where you find and battle pokemon and pokemon trainers to level up and win rare and powerful critters. There are hundreds of Pokemon and their evolutions, so it is very much a game involving goal-oriented persistence and repetition.

A potential theme of the Collector could be: I find meaning and joy in accumulating items/memories and surrounding myself with my interests. It is a way to express my identity as well as documentation of a life well-lived and explored.

This Animal Crossing gameplay was lovingly recorded by Jamila Mahfudh, LMFT. She is a Geek Therapist in California who works with adolescents and adults. She risked showing her messy world to create content for the community. lol You can learn more about Jamila at www.jamilatherapy.com

• Magic the Gathering Arena

• Animal Crossing

• Games where you design a home, environment

• Find the Chomiks (Roblox)

• World of Warcraft (collecting achievements, mounts, gear, levels)

• Any game with inventories and gear sets, pet collecting games, Find the X games

The Artist/Creator

Artists find deep meaning in creating. There is an innate need to channel inspiration and personal inquiry by making something. Many times these art works can be private like journaling, or writing song lyrics to cope or commemorate important life events. There could be experimentation with different combinations of media, as well as devotion to one form of art. Artists can range from traditionalists to avante-garde where they push boundaries of artistic expression and what defines art. An artist could seek to grow by mastering their craft through technical skills, or they could also be more focused on the depth of meaning behind their art and how it’s received by an audience. Other times artists do not care about how their work is interpreted. Some themes of creating could be: “What if…?” or “How can I creatively express my subjective experiences/curiosity/a passion in a beautiful or novel way?”

In terms of video games, Minecraft continues to be one of the most popular outlets for virtual expressions of creativity. Animal Crossing and any other game with avatars or the options to change your avatar or decorate home are great tools for creative self expression.

• The SIMS

• Stardew Valley (You can build and organize a farm)

• Minecraft

• Welcome to Bloxburg (Roblox)

• Fortnite (Creative mode: You can build on your Island)

• Games with avatars and skins you can modify or change often

Above is a screenshot from Fortnite creative where my niece and nephew turned my island into a world or trees and hearts for Valentine’s Day. They were able to use the game as a sandbox and use the tools available to express care and creativity. In this sandbox, there are variable trees, foliage, everyday items, and structures to build your unique world.

The Storyteller

Brown (2009) states that storytellers can be the creators of stories but also the ones who consume them. There is a lens of beauty and immersion in seeing stories everywhere you go. It can be in the mundane and exceptional moments of life, stories can be seen in any game a person participates in or observes. Storytellers can intentionally choose to play story-based games as well. The imaginations of Storytellers are rich and deep. They find refuge in the many worlds they belong to, and can world build in detail and complexity compared to other play personalities. (Side note: storytellers probably also love anime, science fiction, or fantasy types of media)

• Life is Strange

• Detroit: Become Human

• GRIS

• Undertale

• Outer Wilds

• Genshin Impact

• Fire Emblem

• Final Fantasy series

• Minecraft (world-building OR following gamers online — Dream SMP)
  

  Please note different games can fall into several categories. We are complex beings. Although we may have similar interests or personalities, the inner experiences we have are still unique to us. When it comes to learning about and connecting with others, we can use references and tools as road maps. The adventure and process of self-discovery may have detours, surprises, and affirming outcomes. Please consider the information shared as a place to start. You get to decide which information to keep and use. You are the hero of your story.

Screenshot, Fortnite, property of Epic Games

Things to Consider:

• Do I have a negative bias towards certain play personalities?

• Do I give myself permission to play without feeling guilty?

• What are some early messages I have about play and playful adults?

• What is my play personality?

• Do I consider Video Games less valid than other forms of play?

• How can I incorporate playful moments into my life?

• What brought me joy as a child, and how can I honor this now?

• When figuring out someone’s play personalities, which values and keywords stand out?

  
  Additional Content:

• Boonie’s Thoughts on Video Games — YouTube Playlist

• What is a Geek Therapist — YouTube Video with Jamila Mahfudh LMFT

• Why Kids Love Minecraft & How it Benefits Them — My HuffPo Contribution

• What Being a Hero in a Video Game Teaches Us — blog post

• Benefits of Minecraft SMPs (mental health, parenting, education) — YouTube Video

• Level Up Your Life! — (I ramble about my educational background, interests, and work) Geekoscopy Podcast
  
  

Five Archetypes to Examine For Personal Development

This is written through the lens of gaming, play, and archetypes, specifically for the sensitive and divergent thinker. For those who do not have a sensitive, outcast, or divergent primary archetype, please feel free to substitute the archetypes and traits as appropriate. This is a way of seeing your archetypes and using them to grow in your unique ways.

Which Archetypes and Roles are you Using?

Personality psychology can be a powerful lens and tool for learning about your gifts, traits, and individual paths of growth. For those of us figuring out who we are, what we are meant to do with this lifetime, it can be overwhelming and confusing because we internalized the archetypes and roles other people gave us.

What does it mean to internalize the roles other people gave us? When we are children and vulnerable, it can be common to accept what people say about us without question. In family systems, there are complex dynamics where we learn to adapt to survive. This adaptation to survive sometimes means we become something that limits our possibility of self.

For instance, in family situations where our sensitivity was seen as a nuisance or weak, we may believe that’s all we are—SENSITIVE and nothing else. We may use this identity as a crutch, because we’ve never seen the strength of sensitivity honored. When we are in an environment where sensitivity isn’t given space to exist safely, we may indirectly believe there is something wrong with us. We may start to think and believe sensitivity is bad, and that we are bad, too.

We may internalize certain messages that accompany the roles or archetypes people told us we were, or the roles and archetypes we used to survive in situations we had little control over.

Some of the Early Archetypal Messages:

• The (Wounded) Healer

  • My needs are not important. In order to create safety and survive in this environment, I have to learn to (or intuitively) read the needs of others, especially ones in positions of power and control. My identity revolves around being able to help others. If I do not help others successfully, there is something wrong with me.

  • My role is to save people and see what they need to heal and grow. I know what they need and can be a catalyst for change. I can see my pain in the struggles of others and can come from a genuine place of empathy.

  • As a child or vulnerable person, it served me well to appease people with authority to keep myself safe or out of trouble.

  • I have antennae for “wounded” people where I can help whoever needs it. Sometimes it feels overwhelming having this need to help others, but it also feels good to help people in so much pain. My personal feelings for painful experiences intertwine with the lives of others and I get overly invested and irritated if I can’t help people “fast enough.”

• The Black Sheep/Outcast/Alien

  • No one understands me. I struggle to find a place to belong, even in communities that have similar types of people and interests. I feel like I will never belong.

  • I’ve been blamed for the collective struggles of groups and relationships when all I want to do is speak the truth and live authentically.

  • I feel special for being different, yet yearn to be part of something intimate and accepting. I may perpetuate this specialness by intentionally acting out in extraordinary ways to get attention. Or I may genuinely express myself in outrageous ways as self-expression.

  • Due to a history of rejection and feeling misunderstood, I may find it difficult to believe someone wants to know me. To avoid rejection, I may push people away or become isolated from human connections.

• The Sick One

  • I always feel weak and may get physically ill often (without physical reason).

  • People remind me and focus on telling me I am “always sick.”

  • I believe my role in being the sick one in the family and didn’t think I could feel better. I accepted this pain, fatigue, and weakness as an unchanging part of life. As a result, it became chronic (again, with no medical support).

  • Being sick allowed others to care for me and it felt good to be the one being cared for. Or it was overbearing and suffocating having people hyperfocus on my health and wellness. I may seek relationships where I continue to be seen as a sick person outside of my other traits and strengths.

• The Victim

  • I am powerless against what happens in life. I am weak and voiceless.

  • People (or entities) continue to take advantage of and manipulate me.

  • I am unable to fight for myself. I wish and hope for a rescuer to save me.

  • I may not know what healthy, respectful relationships look like and unconsciously gravitate towards people who are abusive or unhealthy. Because all I know is being hurt and a society that harms vulnerable people, I am uncertain and confused about what healthy relationships can look like.

  • Because I know what deep pain from being hurt and manipulated feels like, I can offer compassion and gentleness to others struggling. I can also many times fight and speak for others who are in similar situations, but not myself.

• The One With Potential (Perfectionist)

  • I grew up being insightful talking about things adults and peers did not. I was constantly told of my potential and intellectual gifts.

  • Because I was highly creative, curious, and intelligent, I was left without tools and scaffolds to grow. People assumed I would just know what to do in life. I was just a kid but was seen as a “small adult” or “old soul”.

  • Because I was left alone to figure it out, I feel like an imposter. I also think I need to prove my intellectual capacity without any help. I’ve paired asking for help with being inferior and renouncing my intelligence.

  • I am frozen with the extremes of analysis and overdoing. I conceptually understand nothing can be perfect, but stop myself from participating in life because the fear of failing is too strong. I either over-research and prepare things that never lead to creation, or I constantly edit my work and projects because “it’s never good enough.”

  • In relationships, I may never feel like I am good enough a partner or friend. I may sabotage good things thinking I am not deserving of love because I am not perfect.

When You Have One or Many of These Archetypes

Being honest with yourself is a place to start. When you’re highly sensitive or neurodivergent, you can get the message that your thinking or feeling is incorrect compared to the dominant narrative. This is untrue, of course. We all have subjective, personal experiences of what life is and what our inner stories are.

Systemically and politically, too, there are real complex reasons that shape how marginalized people are treated. There are nuances to disability and invisible conditions that make subjective experiences difficult to prove to those who never needed to see through the lens of marginalization and systemic inequality.

These inner experiences are valid and important. When we try to cope with one role, archetype, or persona for survival reasons, we sometimes forget we can be more. We may think we are unsafe to be more (in the past it was unsafe to do so), or we’ve forgotten what other parts of us existed. The wonderful thing about archetypes is the possibility of becoming so much more~ There are possible roles we haven’t tried before because unique reasons. And now it can be time to slowly try on different roles without expectation.

That’s the neat thing about personal empowerment and learning about yourself with loving compassion. It’s a journey, meaning there is no one right or wrong way to do this. When you are ready, the journey is there. There will be challenges and wonderful successes. There will be hardship, and there will be times when you see how much you’ve changed since you started.

If you identify strongly with any of these archetypes, being kind to yourself and accepting of all the ways the archetype shows up in your life is a great first step. How does a person react to this understanding that a role has affected their life both positively and negatively? Again, with patience, compassion, and acceptance.

Accepting that a role existed to survive in the past takes time. This role can also affect you now in the present. Knowing that you have permission to examine the good, bad, and neutral things this role gave you is a process.

• Journal about how these archetype traits affect your personal development and your relationships.

  • What are some ways these roles protected me as a child?

  • What are some strengths I developed from these roles as an adult?

  • What are some messages I want to tell my younger self?

    • This may require a therapist and grief work. You are also welcome to do this work alone, and with trusted people.

  • How did I participate in staying “stuck” in this role?

    • Again, this may need support with a therapist, and you are strong enough to do this work alone.

  • Which messages do I have a difficult time with? Which messages were lies that I believed?

  • Who benefited from me having this role? Who will also have to adjust to my changes?

  • Which parts of this role do I no longer need?

  • Which ROLES or ARCHETYPES no longer serve me now?

  • What can I say to thank my past and current archetypes for how they protected me?

• If you are sensitive or were shamed about an archetype you have

  • Being seen as your whole self can help reduce shame. This can come from finding communities in the fandoms you love.

  • Learning who to share vulnerability and sensitivity with will also take practice.

  • Think about green relationship flags. Before anyone is allowed to see your sensitivity, who supports you without harsh criticism? Who listens empathically without telling you how to live your life? Who sees your strengths and reminds you of them?

    • Who sees your strengths and abilities to fight for yourself? Who lets you do your best to try, fail, and come back when you’re ready?

  • When you have a corrective emotional experience does Shame stop you from believing that things can and have changed for the better?

    • Ask trusted people to help you see all the things you’ve done to grow and fight for your growth!

    • Give yourself compassion to see and believe in how far you’ve come. It takes a fighter to be a sensitive person in a harsh world.

• Using your fandoms and interests to support personal development

  • If I could be another archetype to grow in life, which one would it be?

    • Look at the heroes, fandoms, video games, and stories you love. Which characters are you cheering for? Which story arcs feel the most personal to you? Think about how these stories are similar to yours.

    • Find the strengths and successes in the stories you gravitate towards. Give yourself permission to be as heroic as these characters.

  • Where is it safe for me to practice loving my archetypes and trying new ones?

    • Video games, cosplay, comics, online communities, making art, role-playing, coaching, and therapy are all valid ways to try new roles. They can be a part of you in these worlds, and when you are ready/want to, a part of you to share with others and the outside world.

    • Draw your archetypes. See which ones speak the most to you, and which are hiding or waiting to have permission to show up.

    • Make art without any intentions in mind. Focus on a theme or archetype you’d like to channel.

  • Did these characters receive help from others?

    • Find your own aides, mentors, and special people.

  • What are some of the mantras or affirmations you love from these fandoms? Write them down!

  • Did these characters struggle with darkness, and cycles of ups and downs?

    • You have your own journey of ups and downs, too.

Archetypal growth and personal development are part of lifelong processes and cycles. Wherever you are along this journey, there is a collective of people who have similar struggles. It can help to heal and grow knowing so many people identify with and believe in the same heroes you do. There are so many people walking their paths, tripping, falling, and getting back up with hard-earned wisdom to keep going. Again, at their own pace and time. Just like you.

Additional Research or Reading Topics:

• Joseph Campbell & Bill Moyers - The Power of Myth

• The Enneagram

• The Ultimate Archetype List

• Caroline Myss

• Jean Shinoda Bolen

• Tarot Archetypes

• 12 Jungian Archetypes

Failing Forward as a Young Divergent Thinker

“You’re so smart and creative. You can do anything you set your mind to!”

We live in a practical world. When you’re an abstract thinker or an idealist heart, the world can leave gaps in understanding oneself, seeking purpose, or knowing where to start.

It can be unbearably overwhelming to the point where you lose interest in the things you originally loved, or you quit and become the “burnt-out gifted person.” It’s a thing! And there could be this lingering self-doubt that freezes you from trying something new. You can get stuck in a very dark place where you think, “If it’s not perfect, I can’t do it. So why try?” OR you jump from subject to subject because it’s not the ONE you want to pursue the rest of your life.

The messages we get for being smart (talented) and having “so much potential” make us question if we are doing something wrong because we’re not successful. Or if we are successful, we are pushing ourselves towards burnout every day to appease the pressures of being perfect for other people (or ourselves).

The expectations can become very powerful messages we can internalize. These messages can shape how we see ourselves, and sometimes, in negative ways.

Don’t know what to do for the rest of my life — SHAME

A Path Less Taken

When you’re a scattered thinker, your brain and body are supposed to consume different sources of information across time. The problem is parts of our society, especially school and work are made for people who pursue linear, very rigid life paths. Although that can lead to stability, it doesn’t always cultivate curiosity, awe, and purpose.

And what does it mean to have a purpose?

This is something we each figure out on our own. Through relationships, exploring possibilities, and having safe opportunities to test out realities can a divergent thinker learn to thrive. Because the formative years of a divergent thinker’s life involve living in a society that does not support our gifts and needs, we need extra time and support to practice figuring out what works and what doesn’t work for us.

Permission to Fail Forward

Society has failed neurodivergent people

When the world isn’t made for you, there is a common occurrence of “failing” more than others. (It’s a very confusing world.) Does that mean YOU are a failure?

Heck No. You are not a failure. Society and systems have failed so many people over and over again.

School is stuck in archaic traditional systems that create factory workers. That mindset and expectation that students sit for six hours a day and regurgitate information for a test are VERY OUTDATED. Many older generations accepted the life of working 40-hour weeks and waiting until retirement to enjoy life or travel. I am grateful to see younger generations challenge what it means to have a purpose, the meaning of work, and the overall meaning of having a life well-lived. So what do you do after you accept that society and life are more difficult for those who think differently?

• Accept that your cognitive profile is different, which means it will take time to learn what your cognitive strengths and areas of improvement are.

  • Sensory needs can also be something to explore and honor.

• Accept that society is not made for us, which means redefining what a life well lived means for YOU.

  • This can change over time. Surprise! In life, you are allowed to change your mind and explore things again.

• Cultivate self-compassion when trying and failing. Maybe it’s executive function skills. Maybe it’s timing. Maybe it’s a few more other skills you need before it all clicks. As a neurodivergent person, your brain needs different types of learning experiences to connect it to the big picture.

• Think & Journal: Which learning tools and environments supported you the most? Find more of that.

  • Ask others what they think your ideal learning spaces look like, and where your eyes lit up from joy and flow.

• Negative self-talk. What are the painful messages you have about failing or not “meeting your potential”? Journal about them. Talk to supportive people about these thoughts so you can learn healthier, and kinder messages to tell yourself.

• Acknowledge your role in self-sabotage and pushing away good advice.

  • We are not perfect, we are not immune from stopping ourselves from growing even if it’s a good thing. When you’re used to failing, it can be a comfortable cycle staying in the same place. Growing and changing are brave things to do.

• Visualization. Create vision boards, Pinterest boards, mood boards about the feelings you want to embrace, the kinds of careers you want to try, the areas of interest that bring you joy, purpose, and excitement! MAP IT ALL OUT.

  • Give yourself time to try different things without judgment.

  • Come back to the visuals to check how you feel about each item over time. Track how they make you feel.

• Practice failing in safer environments, around safe people.

  • Video games are the perfect place to fail and try safely. So many life skills and growth can happen virtually.

  • Coaching and mentoring can also help shape resiliency to try again and have more positive messages related to failing.

  • Watch videos and listen to podcasts about those who are similar to you, heroes that inspire you.

• Community and resonance. It’s really difficult to do this alone. And although your hero’s journey is uniquely yours, it’s important to learn to trust and allow people in so they can support you as well as witness your hardships and transformation. Online communities count. Fandom communities count.

All parts of you are worthy of being seen and supported.

Reading recommendations:

• Wired to Create: Unraveling Mysteries of the Creative Mind

• Smart but Scattered

• Transcend: The New Science of Self Actualization

• SuperBetter: The Power of Living Gamefully

• Refuse to Choose!: Use All of Your Interests, Passions, and Hobbies to Create the Life and Career of Your Dreams

ADHD & Neurodivergence During Homework Wars - You're NOT Lazy, Disobedient, or Slow

Common Phrases an ADHDer & Others May Hear:

“You’re Not Even Trying.”

“Why are you repeating the question? I just said it.”

“Stop doing that (stim or focus activity) and look at your homework.”

“We’ve done this a million times. Why don’t you get it yet?”

This is a common scenario that can be uttered during the homework battles of being a neurodivergent learner. If you’re an adult, you may remember hearing similar statements or having the feelings of frustration fill the room and overwhelm your body. What happens when this exchange and series of messages accumulate over time?

You may internalize certain labels or themes that resonate with being lazy, less than, and uncertain.

When important people tell us again and again that something is wrong with us, we may start to believe it.

It can feel overwhelming and difficult to try again, ask for help, or even want to explain how you think or interpret a homework question. “This person already made judgments against me, why should I even try?” For a young and sensitive person seeking authentic experiences and connections, having this realization can be an obstacle to learning. There is a potential power differential in the room, too. Adults, teachers, and other professionals have a weighted responsibility to see how their implicit and explicit behaviors affect the development of a learner.

This can lead to a cycle that repeats and further reinforces certain traits as a self-concept. Some of these traits neurodivergent learners may internalize could be: “I’m lazy, unteachable, slow, annoying, and unworthy of attention unless I’m perfect.”

So, what do we do?

The Actual Problem(s)

For a neurodivergent learner, there is an atypical pattern of consuming information and experiences in a NONLINEAR way. Being neurodivergent many times comes with learning differences and “inefficient” ways of taking in information.

Is this wrong? Heck no. It’s a different pattern of gathering information, processing it, and making connections to learn. The confusing and frustrating part is that our world and education system are set up for LINEAR everything.

While neurodivergent people are attempting to learn and rest certain parts of their brain and body by going to different types of stimulation sources, the neurotypical world is trying to redirect them again and again to “FOCUS” on the task at hand.

Well, the neurodivergent brain is TRYING to. It’s like when you exercise and certain body parts are tired. It’s time to let those muscles rest and focus on another muscle group or stop exercising. That’s it. That’s the difference.

The neurodivergent brain needs more rest to make more connections because the information is touching many parts of the brain at the same time. It can be exhausting, AND show no “outcomes” because the information is still filling up different “buckets” of themes in the brain. This is where executive functions coaching is important, and learning how to better understand one’s learning processes can help. We neurodivergent people may have to learn and practice exponentially more than neurotypical people.

Certain concepts and life skills must be taught step by step with reasons of importance.

Ross Greene writes on identifying problems and obstacles to growth and success in The Explosive Child. It’s an amazing read and highly recommended.

• Lagging Skills & Unsolved Problems

  Instead of thinking our ADHDers (and others) are attention-seeking, defiant, or lazy, we can learn to reframe this situation as a space where certain skills or obstacles are stopping the learning process. This requires having perspective and compassion outside of oneself. Not everyone thinks like you. Not everyone can easily do the same things you can. AND it can be frustrating to see a loved one struggle because you want them to succeed and grow so much. A question to ask is:

  “What are obstacles stopping this learner from learning or doing what was asked?”

  Possible lagging skills to look out for:

• Difficulty with Transition from one task to another

• Difficulty maintaining focus (identify which tasks)

• Difficulty problem solving during (specific subject, assignment, task)

• Difficulty communicating needs (identify which needs)

• Difficulty managing emotions shuts down when (activity), identify which emotions

• Difficulty applying information unless paired with real-world reasons (aka the WHY?)

  Unsolved Problems:

• Poor fine motor control or pain when writing

• Cannot hear or process information with noises in the background

• Don’t know how to communicate misunderstandings (with certain people, multiple-step directions, vocabulary of certain topics unknown, etc.)

• Cannot self regulate during (task or specific time)

• Difficulty transitioning to homework after school on Mondays

Externalize the Problems

When we are able to take a step back and observe situations individually, there is an ability to separate a person from the problems. This is HUGE. It helps reduce shame and feeling defensive. Work towards change can begin when talking about problems instead of people.

Gathering Information

Before solutions can be identified and tried, it’s important to take some time to gather enough information to see when our learners are having difficulties. When we observe without judgment, information can be objectively identified to highlight things we might have overlooked when we are overwhelmed about fixing everything.

Asking Yourself: Is the problem I see the actual problem?

After practicing observing without judgement, and identifying lagging skills and unsolved problems neurodivergent people in our lives have, a wider perspective can be developed. I found it common to see the pain parents and others experienced when their neurodivergent loved ones struggled. It makes sense. We want our loved ones to succeed, and we want them to meet their potential. When someone struggles with something you can easily do, or have tried so hard to support, it can feel demoralizing. Feeling pain when someone else struggles means you have compassion. That is a wonderful human trait.

Again, as the practice of looking for lagging skills and unsolved problems becomes a more common lens of the world, there is also a realization that each person has a different set of skills, gifts, personalities, and goals for this life. We can be honest about the expectations we have for each person in our lives as well as respect how someone may pursue their life path. A stronger bond of understanding and compassionate support can be developed. That can be liberating for everyone involved.

Further topics related to lagging skills and unsolved problems include: coregulation and executive function skills. I plan to write more on these subjects later. Please check back!

Executive Function Skills - Helping a scattered thinker through cycles of practice

Executive function skills - external thinking & practice

San Diego Comic-con Special Edition 2021

I am super excited to be part of San Diego Comic-Con Special Edition! With my colleagues, we will share on X-men as an allegory for the marginalized. The X-Men cartoons, comics, and films have impacted generations of people who feel like outcasts and perpetually misunderstood. Some of us grew up in environments where our unique gifts and innate traits were perceived as threats to those who did not understand. Some of us grew up with the message that being different is a burden and something that makes us broken. We learned that we were only accepted if we hid parts of who we were, we masked who we truly were and hid behind shame and fears of rejection. We may have lived for the approval of others, and it created feelings of self-hatred, confusion, sadness, anxiety, anger, or resentment.

Xmen and other references have been the source of escape, healing, and empowerment for so many. Knowing that there is beauty in diversity and increased representation, we can learn to cultivate acceptance for our unique differences as well as see others more wholly and compassionately. Many times we fear what we do not understand, and that can make countless people feel less than. It can create cycles of misunderstanding, pain, and rejection.

As pop culture has evolved in terms of diversity, inclusion, and antiracist practices, it is important to honor where we come from. This panel will explore the personal narratives and insights of Leo Partible, Tara Avery, Lorran Garrison, and Boontarika Sripom (me). We will share on perspectives of BIPOC, Neurodivergent, and LGBTQIA community members and professionals in the creative industry, educational, mental health, and helping professions.

We will also remind and highlight spaces that offer solace and community to geeks and misunderstood. Comic shops, cons, meetups, Discords, online games, a friend’s house to play D&D—these are all hubs for safety and escape from a world that reminds us too often that we are “broken". Being misunderstood is not the same.

We get that reminder when we find community, that there are others like us. There is hope to thrive when our experiences are honored.

How to Apply the X-men & Other References: Learning & Supporting the Needs of the Neurodiverse, BIPOC, & LGBTQIA+

Sunday November 28 1-2pm, Room 2

San Diego Comic-Con Special Edition

SOCIALS:

Lorran Garrison, School Psychologist Instagram

Leo Partible (Storyteller, Film, Comics, Music+) Instagram

• www.matchmademovie.com

Tara Avery (Stacked Deck Press) Instagram

• www.stackeddeckpress.com

Boontarika Sripom (Therapy-Informed Life Coach) Instagram

• www.organizedmesses.com

X-Men ‘97 logo, Marvel Studios

UPDATE!: X-Men ‘97 is coming to Disney+

This panel will also help celebrate X-Men ‘97 coming to Disney+ in 2023. The animated series empowered generations of people who felt misunderstood. Many of us continue to feel misunderstood, like mutants. We attempt to speak our truths and seek safety in community. Having shared narratives of difference, compassion, struggle, survival, and thriving are what makes X-Men and other heroic sagas so influential and lasting.

We see ourselves when we need to be seen. We see possibility to fight for who we are, and that others have and will go through similar battles just to exist. We also see that there are those who will stand up and fight for others, uplift, mentor, and protect.

Here’s to another generation of mutants being able to embrace their differences in a world that isn’t always made for us. Here’s to hope that we continue finding one another to create our own schools for gifted youngsters.

How to Create Safe Spaces in the Geek Community During Traumatic Times: Survive the Zombie (Covid) Apocalypse (Lorran Garrison, Robert Rice, & Jamila Mahfudh)

How to Create Safe Spaces in the Geek Community During Traumatic Times: Survive the Zombie (Covid) Apocalypse

Saturday November 27th 1-2 pm Room 2

My colleagues Lorran Garrison & Jamila Mahfudh are on another panel with Robert Rice discussing how geek culture saved us during pandemic, and ways to integrate back into society after experiencing the Covid apocalypse. We cannot go back to how things used to be. There are things learned and wonderful gifts of connection and story that can empower us towards something better.

SOCIALS

Lorran Garrison, School Psychologist Instagram

Jamila Mahfudh (Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist)

• www.jamilatherapy.com

Robert Rice (actor, singer, co-producer of DemonHuntr)

• www.robertriceonline.com

Shang-Chi: Pop Culture Through a Trauma Lens (Guest Blog by Rachel Wethers, LCSW)

Shang-Chi, Master of Kung Fu, Marvel, 1975

I feel super honored to be asked to contribute to the fantastic topic of Shang-Chi, as this movie recently left a very immense impression on me. I thought it was by far one of the more beautiful movies that I had seen in a while by Marvel, with great depth to the story, and if you give me a few moments, I’ll tell you more about why. I know that my perspective is limited, both in my White American experience on this topic, as my world has been filled with American entertainment and social media, including Marvel and DC Comics for decades. Which means unfortunately, whether I like it or not, comics have influenced my view of culture, and unfortunately they often don’t get it right. For example, the original Shang-Chi Master of Kung Fu, seen here from 1975, full of stereotypes and tropes. 

Marvel has a well-known history of misconstruing ethnic concepts for their own means and gain. At times, many folks have been frustrated by accepting as at a minimum, the blundering stumbles into difficult topics had some sort of well-meaning intention, such as Luke Cage introducing MLK Day, Captain America and WWII and punching Hitler in the face, Iron Fist and, well the story had good intentions, but the White fighter was just SO off the mark. We so often accept problematic storylines when it’s not our culture represented, and remain silent. There have been many similar issues through the years, whether well-meaning and miseducated, or conglomerates just simply not taking the time to understand the community and culture of their consumers. Even more so, by not having creators of content who represented the wide variety within their interested public. And then there are the ongoing tensions between creators and editors on the ground over what would and should be published, which continues to fuel tension at Comicon panels even today. 

Director Destin Daniel Cretton & Lead Actor Simu Liu [WALT DISNEY COMPANY KOREA]

Differing Opinions in Representation, Beauty and Curiosity

Reading and listening to the varying AAPI (Asian American and Pacific Islander) community since seeing Shang-Chi, I have seen a wealth of extreme differing opinions. Ranging from positive acceptance exposure to stereotyping concerns. The sharing of important figures and traditions of Asian culture to lack of fleshing out important traditions and honorary figures. Well known choreographer Brad Allen, who previously trained under Bruce Lee creating authentic work, to frustrations that Asian works must always seem to include Kung Fu Fighting anyways. To a strong Asian American cast of both newcomers (Fantastic Simu Liu and Meng’er Zhang) and famous Actors (Tony Leung and Michelle Yeoh) with Asian American Directorship (Destin Daniel Cretton) but then concerns regarding the varying ethnicities present and accents not addressed correctly by vocal coaches coming from the deep pockets of Marvel. I learned that the amazing beauty I found in Ta Lo, with amazingly powerful and intriguing creatures, was viewed by many as not enough in the surface layers of displaying what is a very deeply layered and honorable belief system and culture, and that of what they did create, was so minimally used in the climactic battle that could have been, with their presence and grand power. 

Marvel’s Adorable Dijiang, Morris

But, I must say, I spent HOURS as someone unfamiliar, inspired to learn more about these majestic and powerful creatures who had now inspired me to add them as additional protector figures in trauma Sandtrays and EMDR work in therapy. I knew nothing about these beautiful and Majestic Shishi, or Fu Dogs, both powerful and yet loving and tender, roaring alongside their warriors they protected. I wanted to learn more about the sweet little winged, faceless Dijiang, Morris, who had stolen the hearts of America and has already been turned into a lego mini figure and stuffed animal for consumerism before the movie had even opened. The beautiful wings of the Fenghuang… They were right. I hadn’t known how powerful, precious, and honorary these figures were until I went down my own rabbit hole in research… which let’s be real, the average person may not do like I did. But I learned a great deal about them HERE, and you can too if you are interested. I can only hope we learn more about their beautiful place in AAPI culture, history, and religion in future Marvel work with Shang-Chi. Because I have a feeling this won’t be the last we see or hear about him or his powerful sister Xialing. I suspect they are setting up the two of them for future further development in their characters in the MCU. 

Tony Leung & Faia Chen, Marvel Studios

*Spoiler Alert*

This movie was absolutely beautiful and eye-opening for me, but the area in which I am more experienced to explore, is the beautiful story of family and trauma. If you haven’t watched the movie and want to avoid even small spoilers, now is your chance to turn back! Go! Avoid the rest of this now! Save your eyes and knowledge for the Cinema, then come back and finish reading me.

Aaaaanyways… The eye of the beholder is going to see a different focus in the story most likely. Some may focus on the absolutely gorgeous love story that develops between Shang-Chi’s Father Xu Wenwu and his Mother Ying Li. Can we just notice for a minute how beautiful and regal she is, and how amazingly charming and handsome Tony Leung is??? Their story overcoming odds against them, as they were destined to have been star crossed lovers, from different realms, where they shouldn’t have been able to meet, fall in love, and create a family. But they did, and that always connects with watchers. But Wenwu’s character has a dark past. He has the fantastical magical ten rings, which gave him the power he had wielded for many years before he met her. Ying Li convinces him to leave that world behind, as she must leave hers to be with him, and he puts away his powerful rings to love and be loved as a man and a Father. In him we see moments of powerful vulnerability, humanity, longing to be known and cared for, in ways we can relate, despite the great power we sense in his character. They build a home it seems in China, where they find happiness and contentment. They have two children, Shang-Chi and Xialing, but when they are still young, their Mother dies at the hands of her husband’s old enemies. Everything then changed. In desperate grief and seeking righteous vengeance, Wenwu returns to what he knows- the power of the rings. He takes a seemingly early school-aged Shang-Chi with him to kill her murderers. And here is where the trauma begins for these loving and strong children. And trauma, especially childhood trauma, is what I know and would like to speak to here in a moment. 

Tony Leung & Young Jayden Zhang, Marvel Studios

Shang-Chi’s story then shifts us to an all grown up “Shaun,” as he now calls himself. Living in America, and seemingly fulfilling the “never gonna grow up and get responsible” fear of all parents, but especially as discussed in the movie, by AAPI parents. Survival in immigration, pride in family, respect and value for education, and wanting your children to succeed further than you have, all play strong roles in many families but are often contributors of AAPI stereotypes. The movie plays to this, and we meet Shang-Chi’s best friend Katy (played by the complicatedly-popular Awkwafina). The two seem to have struggled to find their stride in life and found a close friendship in that, and Katy’s family tends to remind her of this all too often. Side note, as a therapist I tend to find that young people who haven’t found their focus for adulthood yet are usually just around the corner from what calls them. I was 23 before I started to realize the direction I wanted to go. Sometimes we rush the process too fast and then they miss their calling. This especially seems to happen in superhero movies. So haven’t found your calling yet? Maybe you’re next to wear a cape. I digress…  

Faia Chen & Jayden Zhang, Marvel Studios

Anyways, Shaun is observed to have found a sense of family with his friend (maybe more than friend? One can never tell), as he grabs breakfast with them. But they rush off and find themselves pulled into a bus fight (Check out some behind the scenes of this badass fight HERE). This fantastically choreographed fight by Brad Allen and Andy Cheng, both trained under Jackie Chan among other great athletes, will be one to remember for a long time. I imagine outside of a great deal of later CGI work, this was where a huge portion of the money went into production. This fight leads to Shaun realizing that his Father was coming to find him and his sister. We then begin to flashback and learn more about what happened in the many years after his mother died.

Shang-Chi was young when his mother died, but old enough to remember her loving support, beginning to train him in her special art of the Chi, Chi as Shang-Chi seems to say it, seems to mean a form of air energy. Marvel has been reported to say that “Shang-Chi” means “the rising and advancing of the spirit.” A discussion of this is HERE to learn more. Various martial arts, including Tai Chi, were studied and utilized in the training of the actors.  Before this bus fight, one might think Shaun hasn’t practiced since leaving China. Or so Katy would have thought. Her surprise at his ability to fight and protect them on the bus quickly leads to her saying she was going with him to find his sister, and he didn’t get a choice in the matter. For one with such power, Shaun definitely didn’t seem to know what to do with Katy’s assertiveness. There’s a lot of this interplay that is very metaphoric to their relationship and their own self-concept at this point in their lives. One can tell that Shaun isn’t so sure who he really is quite yet. 

The Ultimate Trauma Storyline

Meng’er Zhang, Marvel Studios

As they quickly head on their way to China, Shang-Chi flashes back and tells Katy his story. We learn that after his mother’s death, and their Father’s return to all that he knew, life changed a great deal for the children. We are given glimpses into their young lives, where their Father struggles to be emotionally available to them in his grief, and where he focuses on raising Shang-Chi to be a fighter and to assassinate necessary enemies- at a very young age. After he and his sister became teens, they ran away, to escape his control. Both children throughout the story explore their trauma origin stories, recognizing the loss of their Mother and the dramatic changes in their Father. We see images of a preteen Shang-Chi being whipped to learn to endure pain. We also see glimpses into the life of his sister, Xialing, who after the death of her mother, seems to lose both parents, as her Father seems dismissive of her strengths and needs, both in flashbacks after the loss of their mother, and upon seeing him again in the movie. We follow her story as well, as she has grown to become a leader in her own martial arts training, and seeks to fight for the empowerment of women, and ultimately of herself. 

In both of these great characters, I see the ultimate trauma storyline, of regaining their voice after understanding their origin stories- the understanding and empowerment of self after all that they had been through. As their Aunt, Ying Nan, tell’s Shang-Chi at a point in the story where he is struggling with his training, afraid he might not be able to save his family-

“You are a product of all who came before you. The legacy of your family. The light and the dark. The good and the bad. It is all a part of who you are. Stop hiding. It will only prolong the pain.”

Learning to integrate our experiences as trauma survivors is the difficult work that we do after survival is no longer enough for us. When thriving becomes the cry of our hearts and we long to live and be who we are meant to be. We find meaning in the shadows of ourselves, and empowerment in our voice and abilities as we create and mold the future. A future which for Shang-Chi, breathes life from the power of the Chi. And we ask ourselves, how can we relate to pieces within the story of Shang-Chi? His heartache and loss, his pain, his journey to finding himself. And for a moment, like every other superhero movie- we find hope. Because maybe our lives can find meaning too. 

Finding Our Voice, Finding Empowerment

So how do we find our voice, find empowerment of ourselves, the way Shang-Chi and Xialing did? Both of these resilient young people took back their power by facing their origin stories. Often times this is initiated by life circumstances, forced even to face ourselves and our past in times when we might not have been ready, like Shang-Chi. Or, facing it in our own timing and learning how to thrive, the way Xialing did. Exploring our origin stories, and being seen, heard and validated by those who matter to us, can help us find our way into our present. We have a tendency to not be able to move forward in life until we face the past. The past doesn’t need us to live there, but there are parts of ourselves that do need to be honored within us and recognized for the role in the development of self. Sometimes there are parts who need reparenting, as they didn’t get what they needed from our caregivers, who were hurting and struggling in their own lives. Each of us do that in so many different ways, some on our own with our current friends and loved ones supporting us, and some of us also within the safety of trauma therapy. In therapy a therapist can support us with tools that can help with the dysregulated physical reactions and memories our bodies have held onto for years, as well as trauma informed therapies that can assist with the processing of our origin stories. Therapy approaches such as Narrative work (think creating comic books, vlogs, scrapbooking, gaming, so many applicable options!), ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), IFS or Ego State Parts Work, Brainspotting, Somatic Experiencing- so many trauma informed modalities to explore to find the right one for us. 

Shang-Chi, Legend of the Ten Rings, Marvel Studios

After sitting with all that we are, reprocessing and organizing our story within us, finding community, or a place to belong, can then help further our post-traumatic growth.

This is why community spaces are so popular- self-help groups, book clubs, social media groups, fandoms, gaming platforms, and other online communities.

This was why the #metoo movement was so powerful. We find others who resonate with experiences similar to ours, and it reminds us we aren’t alone, it feeds our hope for possibilities. When Shang-Chi and Xialing found Ta Lo, found family, the blossoming that occurred for both was clear to the observer. Even Katy found herself in this space of acceptance, and nurturance, and growth.

Rarely does a being or plant, any living thing really, grow in isolation. Just as trees must cross-pollinate, so must we support one another in the development of self and community as we find our roots. When we feel like we belong, and are given the tools we need to be more of who we are, we have the safety and room to open up to the nourishment of the elements that feed our soul. And when that can happen, ANYTHING feels possible. Maybe even becoming a superhero- realm travel, dragons, powerful rings and all. 

About Rachel Wethers, MSW, LCSW

Rachel Wethers MSW, LCSW is a therapist licensed in the states of Illinois, Michigan, and Missouri. She currently provides virtual therapy to children, teens, and adults who come from neurodivergent and trauma backgrounds, often utilizing a geeky perspective with gaming, superhero therapies, and understanding our own origin stories. She lives with her partner, super step kiddos, and super pets in the country where it is quiet and peaceful and bosses and villains can’t find them as easily. www.thehopechest.co 

Therapeutic Metaphors in the Hit Anime Demon Slayer (Guest Post by Dr. Gian Ramos)

About Dr. Gian Ramos

Being INFP with ADHD I spent a lot of my younger years on introspection. In a world that seemed entirely overwhelming, laying in bed looking up at the ceiling, and pondering the meaning of life was one of the ways I learned to cope with it all. As a kid, I loved reading books, but my ADHD made it so that I was only able to engage in books when I was at my optimum mindset. More often than not, anime and manga served as the backdrop for my musings, it's captivating visuals kept my wayward mind focused long enough for me to immerse myself in the complex themes and the writing that often centers sensitivity as a strength. Anime gave me the tools to work on my mental health at a time when both my home and school environment were unable to lift me up.

Today, I try my best to take all the life lessons that I learned in my own childhood and put them to good use in my work as a medical doctor. As a medical student, I made it a point to work often in the Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Unit as Child and Adolescent Psychiatry is the field that I intend to specialize in. Throughout my years of study I've noticed that, like myself, a large fraction of patients I've had in this setting are anime fans and often relate to anime characters emotionally. Often, parents come to me with concerns over their children's viewing habits. "She's watching this new show called Demon Slayer, and I'm scared that it may be too violent for her." To be clear, I completely understand that Demon Slayer is a series intended for young adults. The series begins with the grisly murder of the main character's family and blood and gore are an essential part of the series' storytelling as demons can only be killed through decapitation. However, whenever I am approached about how one should address this situation I cannot help but think of my 10-year-old self, watching Inuyasha (an equally if not more graphic show) late at night, wishing my parents would one day ask me about the media that fascinated me back then. I am an advocate for showing interest in the media that sparks joy in your children and asking questions while not shying away from difficult topics.

In the interest of framing the value that anime can have in a therapeutic setting, I want to discuss the various potential subjects in which one could leverage a kid's love of the currently incredibly popular series Demon Slayer to help improve your relationship with them and also set the stage for vital metaphor-driven discussions around mental health, trauma, and growth.

• Demon Slayer features a surprisingly sensitive male protagonist

  • The main plot in Demon Slayer revolves around the main character Tanjiro.  A boy with a surprisingly strong sense of smell and a strong sense of responsibility.  He dutifully cared for his family and was a valued member in his community until one day he returned to find that his family was murdered by demons.  The only one left alive was his sister who had been cursed to become a demon.  The way demons function in Demon Slayer is very similar to the way vampires work in western myth.  Demons have a natural thirst for humans that is very hard to fight against.  In the first few minutes of the show a Demon Slayer berates the main character for being "too sensitive" when confronted with the idea that because his sister has turned into a demon he should find the resolve to end her misery by taking her life.  But our main character finds the inner strength to commit himself to the task of finding a way to cure his sister's curse, despite the expectations of the status quo that demand he discard his brotherly love in favor of disposing of his clearly affected sister.
    
    Many of the kids I have worked with have related to Tanjiro's story.  One, for example, told me: "I have a brother that is autistic. I have friends that judge me when I prioritize my brother's needs because I love him."  Finding stories of characters with the same sensitivity and fraternal love can be incredibly validating in a world where boys are encouraged to bury their emotions and emulate toxic masculinity.  Tanjiro's kindness and sensitivity is a theme throughout the series.  He often attracts others through kindness.

• Becoming a Demon Slayer: Mindfulness and Executive Function Skills

  • For any series that centers on a class of warriors or wizards, it is important to read what value these disciplines hold for our own daily lives.  A kid who loves Star Wars most likely would like to be a Jedi, there is plenty of work being done in utilizing Jedi metaphors to teach children about mindfulness.  Similarly, a child who watches Naruto most likely dreams of becoming a ninja.  The Demon Slayers are a group of people who fight demons, which alone holds a strong metaphoric value given that we often define our struggles as demons ("I'm fighting my demons").  But there are aspects of Tanjiro's Discipline that can be leveraged to teach someone how to develop mental health skills:
    

• Total Concentration and Mindfulness

  • Tanjiro harnesses the power of Total Concentration when he fights demons.  In short Total Concentration is a technique that relies on regulating your breathing in moments of strife in order to center yourself.  It communicates an essential skill for any swordsman who fights their own demons.  In order to perform at your best capacity, you must prepare your mind and body and remain calm.  Tanjiro uses his breathing not only to center himself but also to imbue his strikes with decisiveness.  This is a basic concept in both yoga and martial arts, proper breathing helps regulate heart rate and relaxes our muscles.  It is one of the most ancient and simple ways in which one can exercise mind over matter in moments of tension. Talking about breathing using Tanjiro's Total Concentration technique as a framework is an excellent way to teach kids mindfulness in a context that is fun and empowering.

Demon Slayer, published by Aniplex of America, written and illustrated by Koyoharu Gotouge

• Following the Thread to a Clean Strike

  • Demon Slayer is a visual spectacle.  When Tanjiro achieves a state of flow in a battle where his mind is centered and his strikes are true his blades flow like water.  The series represents this state of flow by allowing us to see how Tanjiro visualizes his water style.  Every strike leaves streams of water in its wake in a grand Ukiyo-e style. During the first arc in the series, Tanjiro's teacher tells him that he cannot apply to the test of becoming a Demon Slayer until Tanjiro proves his worth by cutting a large boulder with his sword.  Tanjiro spends months trying to achieve this to no success.  It is after a long time that Tanjiro learns to visualize a thread that extends from his sword to the target he intends to strike.  It is interesting to mention that while the series expertly animates all of its fight scenes showing how the thread that Tanjiro visualizes connects his strike, the series makes it very clear that the very same spectacle is a result of Tanjiro's skillful use of visualization.
    
    As someone who is neurodiverse, I cannot stress enough how important it is to be able to properly institute goals and visualize the path to achieving them.  In more simple terms we can talk about the art of breaking in martial arts.  We've probably all witnessed the way a martial art expert can set a pile of bricks in front of them and break them to show the mastery of their art.  What we often don't know is that this test does not only measure strength, but also conviction and visualization skills.  An initiate to the martial arts is only able to measure their strikes to their targets, when they punch they do not visualize their fists going through the target for maximum impact.  When you practice the art of breaking you are visualizing your strike going through the breakable object.  You are also accepting the pain that comes with meeting such a hard object but you have the confidence that you will come out successful on the other side.
    
    When I was diagnosed with ADHD one of the most useful skills I added to my toolbelt was the skill of visualizing my goals and the path to accomplishing them, I also learned not to visualize the bare minimum (lest my strikes fail me) but to visualize a strike that falls a bit further than my goal to make sure I at least land a decent strike.  In therapeutic work, this often means putting various measures and methods to arrive at the same goal to ensure success.  It is vital that one be able to visualize the thread that will make sure your blade will strike true.

Demon Slayer, published by Aniplex of America, written and illustrated by Koyoharu Gotouge

• Tanjiro and his Senses

  • Tanjiro is intensely aware of his strengths and knows when to use them and when to rely on his support system.  Demon slayers tend to have a hyper-developed sense that they can rely on.  For Tanjiro it is his sense of smell, for his friend Zenitsu is his sense of hearing.  Tanjiro knows to use his sense of smell as a strength when fighting and when tracking demons.  More importantly, he knows to rely on his support system when he is overwhelmed.  When Tanjiro engages in battle there are various situations where demons use his heightened sense of smell against him.  They will often flush the battlefield with demonic energy that has a distinctively bad smell.  Tanjiro usually takes stock of the resources he has around him.  When he is alone he focuses on his Total concentration and reads the battlefield sometimes tactically retreating to gather information and strategize. 

  • When he is with his friends he communicates his needs and lets them know that he is overwhelmed and requires help from his friends.  He'll often say things like: "I am overwhelmed by the smells, I'm going to need to rely on you hearing to get me through this fight."  Having a character who is aware of his strengths and weaknesses and is able to communicate them to his benefit is character representation that is always needed in my book. 

    Too often highly sensitive individuals feel that communicating their needs will push others away and label them as nuisances.  However, a character like Tanjiro is a hero that is unashamed of their sensitivities and by communicating his needs manages to be a valuable asset to any team. 

These are a few examples I've thought of at the top of my head, but if there's anything I've learned from being in the Geek Therapy community is that in every narrative there are a wealth of metaphors that we can use in therapeutic practice.  The hard work of looking inward and developing executive function skills can seem daunting, especially when we are working with children.  However, stories like the ones Demon Slayer provides are great ways to reframe a conversation to one of empowerment and self-discovery.  After all, who doesn't want to be a Jedi, a ninja, or a demon slayer?  Even in adulthood, when our inner child is gasping for release, these metaphors are incredibly useful for keeping our self-care work motivating and rewarding.  Through Tanjiro we can learn to be sensitive, to care for those we love, to set our goals and a path to success, to communicate our needs and take stock of our strengths, to be better versions of ourselves.  If we can co-opt these narratives for our betterment why wouldn't we? If this message resonates with you, imagine what other narratives in the vast ocean that is geek culture lie waiting to be discovered, transformed, and applied to our betterment.

Images are used for educational and informational purposes. 

Attribution: Demon Slayer is written and illustrated by Koyoharu Gotouge and published by Shueisha and Aniplex of America CC by 2.0

Dr. Gian Ramos, Medical Doctor & Chief Medical Advisor for Geek Therapy

Dr. Gian Ramos is a content creator for the Geek Therapy Podcasts Network. To see more of his content please check out the Here Comes a Thought podcast (A Steven Universe Psychology Recap Podcast) and Otaku Ryoho (An Anime and Philosophy/Psychology Podcast). You may also Contact him directly on the Geek Therapy Facebook, Discord, or on Twitter at @Psychogonically

Cleaning & Decluttering Tips for Smart & Scattered People (ENFP, INFP, INTP, ENTP, ESTP, ISTP, ISFP, ESFP, Neurodivergent)

As a fellow ENFP who’s mother was a personal organizer for years let me help.

1. Grab large trash bags. One for trash ,one for give away

2.Make your bed

3. Throw all clothes on it. Hang up clean, throw laundry in hamper. Once clothing is put away remove hamper from room if possible.

4. Start throwing things away. Trash, bring any plates/ cups to kitchen.

5. If anything in the room belongs somewhere else in the house do that next.

6. Set a timer and take a break, no more than 20 minutes, drink some water and relax.

7. Get a bin or bag or someone to put the “I don’t know where this goes” start placing the random items in it. Things that you need but don’t have a home for. We will find a place for it later.

8. Start putting the things away that you do know where they go. Books on the shelf ect.

9. Your bed should still be made a clear, start using it for piles. Pick 2 or 3 catalogs to start with. Like papers, hobbies ect.

10. Keeps paper near by to write down what you need storage wise.

11. Start putting things in that give away bag. If you haven’t touched it in over a year and don’t see a use for it give it away.

Once everting is put away get that random bag and find a place for it.

Tips. Start in the morning, a good room organization can take all day, don’t start at 8pm, you will get tired and lose motivation.

Once it is all clean and organized keep it clean but spending 15 minutes at night putting everything away.

Good luck

Safety in Therapy When Struggling with Poverty & Trauma

1) How can a therapist help someone struggling with poverty, trauma when they don't feel safe in their environment?

I think, as far as the therapeutic environment, it starts in setting the tone. "This is your time to do with as you wish. My job is to be a guide." Also encouraging them to advocate for themselves, set good boundaries, and speak up. I often tell my newbies "for people in therapy it's hard to speak up. If I say that I'm available outside of session, I mean it. Don't let that thought that you are a burden get in the way of reaching out to me because you're not." And processing when it happens: "You said last Monday was hard. You struggled all day. What got in the way of reaching out for a 15 minute phone call to ease your suffering, and how can we change that in the future?" This also sets the tone for cost and poverty conversations. I'm out of network and cash pay, but that doesn't mean that I don't have room for pro-bono, low cost, or negotiated fees. For me, that's part of why I AM cash pay, to offer myself the financial freedom to be more available.

A big part of this comes from being a good therapist. A big part of our job is to be aware and actively listening. If we know that a client is in a poverty situation, is struggling with finances, or with an emotionally unsafe environment that will come out in our processing and as they tell their story. I think there's a LOT of power in simply acknowledging that things aren't ideal. "Okay, this is where we are. How can we work with that?" It's not about all or nothing safety, it's about moving towards ultimate safety and creating it in a way that it didn't exist before. If we can't make you fully safe, how do we start taking steps towards safety? It's also being responsible in assignments that are often meant to create safety. For example, not sending a client into a situation with an abuser to set boundaries that will exacerbate the situation. It's also in offering resources if they're in an unsafe, or financially unfeasible place- so maybe one thing won't work, but here's a list of five more we can try. You have OPTIONS.

It's all about acknowledging the reality of the situation and being flexible.

Magic happens when your clients know you'll advocate for them and they can also advocate for themselves.

2) What are some things that could dismiss feelings of safety in therapy?

The number one thing I see get in the way of feeling safe in therapy is miscommunications. It's important for the therapist to be direct and call things out. "I noticed that when (x situation) happened, you shut down. You say  nothing's wrong, but I know that isn't true. I need you to know that I don't take this personally and I'd like to walk you through how to solve this problem." Very often the clients will either correct you or bust open with their true response. It happens in moments, little by little, every time they speak up, every time the therapist does and no repercussions happen.

I'd also say setting appropriate expectations, again, from the beginning. If the client expects one thing and another is happening, they can feel slighted, confused, or even relive some of their trauma that brought them in. It's important to be aware of and key into this. And open processing. Every time you process with a client and you don't give them something to fight against, it disarms them and helps them realize they don't always have to brace for a fight. A big part of a therapist's job is modeling- or teaching and showing people how things SHOULD go when all involved are acting in a healthy way. We don't always get it right, but we can still salvage it by modeling repair: "I was having a bad day and I feel I might have snapped. I'm really sorry about that. Can you talk to me about how that made you feel? It's safe to talk about here." Things don't have to go perfectly to be productive. I think that's why this topic is so important. Trauma doesn't happen in a vacuum and it's often cyclical. So, while the ideal may be to help heal a traumatized client in a non-traumatic environment, that's very rarely reality so we have to know how to deal with the messiness of it all.

3) Can you expand on what “while I don’t feel safe I am capable of protecting myself and knowing who to trust” as well as helping them find/create safety" might look like?

Sure, so in your original post, I stated that I don't ever try to get my clients to blindly act as if they are safe, or force them to pretend they are. It's about meeting them where they are. I teach my clients that new narrative of “while I don’t feel safe I am capable of protecting myself and knowing who to trust.” At its core- trauma and anxiety are about a mistrust of others combined with a mistrust of self, which is so paralyzing. There's no right answer! They can't trust themselves to find safe people, they can't trust people to be safe, there's nowhere to turn. The first step is in helping them calm their nervous system. Panic gets in the way. If they can stay calm and in charge and not let the emotions drive, things change. So I ALWAYS start with body work. From there, we examine where these messages came from and in noticing when they come up again. It's in about helping the client build competency- maybe they didn't always have the skills, but we're going to teach them those skills so that the pattern changes.

When you're abused you're dismissed, you're taught that your viewpoint is wrong, and this is driven into your head. That soundtrack is valuable, it keeps you small so you're ultimately less of a target, but then you have to realize that you can take up space again once you're safe. It's all about helping the client realize these things.

Catherine McConnell, MA, CFT, LPC provides psychotherapy services in Texas

4) How can people find more about your work?

I'm creating new content all the time, but for now I have a website (with a blog!) at www.catherinemcounseling.com. People have the option to subscribe if they want to be updated. I'm also running a PTSD facebook page. It's brand new so it's a little inactive, but I'm hoping to grow it! PTSD Information Source

I do both in-person and online therapy in Texas.

Readiness for Change (With Therapists, Coaches, & Other Healers)

Change is a Gradual, inconsistent process.

When we’re looking for a healer, it may feel like it’s not the right timing, or “they didn’t do anything.” Our individual readiness for change as well as the professional relationship are very important factors in determining when and how change occurs.

Change is a process and involves countless variables. In order for HSPs, Neurodiverse, Emotionally Intense, or differently wired people to feel preparared to change, sometimes an additional stage of seed planting is involved. And this stage is about being accepted, understood, given space to be intense while sorting things out. Sometimes "nothing happens" in therapy or with a coach because a client's readiness for change is premature. Working with and being okay with "not doing anything" is part of motivational interviewing, a skillset that is heavily used in coaching, therapy, and addiction treatment. People deserve to be seen as they are, and when we have an agenda to "hurry up" and change, it can make it more difficult to maintain, it can actually lead to prolonged resistance of floating, or choosing something for the sake of taking action.

IMPORTANT NOTES:

• There are 5 stages of change that we bounce around with. Understanding the cerebral, emotional parts of deciding to make change is as important as the “action phases” of change.

• If a healer is pushing their own agenda, this can cause resistance and additional “stuckness” or regression.

• Part of change is being seen for your circumstances, choices, outcome possibilities, and being okay with not being forced to make a decision.

• Planting seeds and going at YOUR PACE is an essential skill for a healer to support effective change.

• Differently wired, sensitive, and creative people may need additional time and compassion to be seen before they can take develop faith to take leaps into the unknown.

• As always, therapists work with mental health conditions, so they are best prepared to help in this realm of life, as well as other areas of focus or specialty.

• Coaches can help with personal development, can screen for mental health needs, and make appropriate referrals as needed. Coaches may touch a person’s history, but the primary focus is on the present with short-term goals using motivational interviewing and additional methods. I use archetypes and typology systems while teaching clients about the stages of change with a therapy-informed lens.

Acknowledge stuckness and your readiness for change. A good-fit healer can help honor this with you. I am a life coach and would love to help you with any short term goals you may have. Relationships, career, life planning, please contact me to see how I can help. organizedmesses@gmail.com