5 More Things Gamers in Your Life Want You to Know

1. We don't want to disappoint you

Relationships are important. As we age, we can become more particular with the people we choose to keep in our lives. When it comes to family and romantic partners, gaming can sometimes make it difficult to connect. We don't want to disappoint you when you see us gaming. It hurts us to see you disappointed. When you tell us to get off the computer, or to stop playing games, it can hurt, and sometimes angers us. Gaming is a really important part of our lives, and it's hard to figure out how to play and not disappoint you. 

2. We don't know how to explain

Some of us gamers have an easier time expressing ourselves than others. For those of us who can't, we might get stuck with feelings of hurt, sadness, or anger when we're being told gaming isn't important, or to stop playing. Our emotions might lead us to yell or shut down, so it's hard to explain why gaming is important with so much going on. Maybe we've tried explaining before, but our communication didn't work, so it's frustrating for us, too. 

3. Gaming gives us a community to belong to

There are stigmas with gaming. There are stigmas with liking certain things "too much." There is an entire generation born into video games and internet culture, so there are likely to be misunderstandings and arguments on how important gaming is. Not all of us are social butterflies, sports fanatics, or (insert expectation here). Gaming is our interest, our hobby, and it offers us a sense of belonging. It may not always seem like we are connecting with others, but gaming is something we can talk/chat about with peers online, or with people we meet in person. It is our language and community to build on our own terms. It helps make us feel like we are not alone. 

4. We're sorry for getting mad at you when you asked questions about gaming

Sometimes it's hard to share about gaming because we get caught up in other events of the past. Perhaps people made fun of us, yelled at us, or told us we were disappointing because we gamed so much. When someone asks about gaming, sometimes it's a bad time. Maybe it's a really hard level, or moment in the game, and there's a lot of pressure to focus. That's not the best time for us to share about gaming because we might be stressed out. We don't want to hurt you, and it makes us feel worse when it happens. 

5. Gaming is an investment of time and energy, so it can be a huge loss when it's taken away unexpectedly

Players can log hundreds or even thousands of hours gaming. It takes time and care to level up characters, build efficient and successful teams, and learn diverse skills or maneuvers for end-game scenarios. Gaming can be our tool to process the day, or to redirect negative energy. Lots of us consider gaming proof that we can do well. Our avatars can represent our diligence to commit to a cause and team. The game represents our ties to others on a team, and the relationships we've made battling together, and helping each other over time. When it's taken away, it is a lot to deal with. It's not just losing a game for many of us; it can be a loss of friendships, confidence, or coping tool. 

Click here if you missed the first 5 things gamers want you to know.

Trauma: The Silent Partner in Addiction (talk by Gina Tabrizy, LMFT)

I attended an amazing luncheon with OCCAMFT (Orange County California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists) today. I am in my journey as a prelicensed therapist, and along with all therapists, welcome growth, new perspectives and insights into the art of healing. Sometimes this information comes in the form of reading, self discovery, or workshops. The goal is to continually learn, and to continually shape this craft that is a lifelong endeavor. 

Our speaker was Gina Tabrizy, MS, LMFT, and she was described as a dynamo and brilliant clinician. I agree. Her authenticity radiated throughout the talk, and there are some things I took home to share with you. Her work with addiction and professional healing for the past 27 years spoke to me. Talking about trauma is never easy, but it is necessary as a human being. It can be an uncomfortable place for therapists themselves, and I welcome the open discussion to practice self care while being present with a client's trauma. 

Here are some treats I took with me:

Trauma happens when we experience "anything less than nurturing." Pia Mellody

What does this mean, exactly? Sometimes the term trauma is associated with major life events, like witnessing death or violence, accidents, or things that threaten a person's sense of safety. Other times, it can be accumulations of small, yet important things, that chip away at a person (microaggressions), or witnessing others' trauma. 

The trauma may not have happened directly to you, and yet, you feel the pain in your body. You feel the discomfort, and you feel the churning in your stomach. This may be attributed to having loved ones who've experienced trauma, or being a professional healer working with clients and their trauma. 

Your life may seem perfect, or seem like there were no traumas, but according to Mellody, merely having one's basic needs met is not enough. We need connection, we need intangible things to feel loved and wanted. Sometimes we are not offered these intangible things growing up, and this can also cause trauma. Something was missing. A therapist may explore these circumstances to rule out trauma. 

"Unprocessed trauma is a great trigger for relapse." Gina Tabrizy, MS, LMFT

I relapsed with gaming in my 20s. There were unaddressed traumas and wounds to heal. I agree with Tabrizy and her insights to pair addictions with trauma. It is an attempt to numb the pain, and to find some way to cope in this chaotic world. Repetitions and compulsions to occupy our minds and bodies--addicts will do this to avoid pain, and I empathize with this wretched process. It is not fair, and it is not easy. It feels like hell; it feels like a shameful prison.  

So, as clinicians, it is important for us to explore things that may appear like depression, anxiety, or addiction. There may be underlying trauma, and therapists must check in with our own internal processes. It is our duty to do no harm in practice. When a client has a trauma that might trigger some issues with a therapist, it can be part of the process to refer out while working on these issues, and then working together after. Therapists came into the field for their own reasons, and some of those reasons may be because we've worked through similar things. If a client's story is too close to home, a therapist may refer out to ensure the best care for their client. Referring out does not mean a therapist isn't competent. It may mean that they honor a client's experiences, and at the time, may not be a best match because of very human things a therapist needs to work on. 

A therapist's duty is to do no harm. We took an oath to serve our communities, and sometimes the best way to do no harm is to refer to another therapist.

Trauma teaches us to be comfortable with pain. Love is uncomfortable.

There are so many of us willing to be loved in a way that we wouldn't allow our closest friends to endure. Yet, we do. We believe we are unworthy of anything better, and when goodness enters our lives, we find a way to sabotage, push it away, or isolate ourselves. It's a difficult cycle to get out of. Our earliest models of love tend to affect our relationship choices, yet it's not something we're aware of. It just happens.

What do some of us do instead of embrace love? We find something else to fill the emptiness, something to numb the pain. Some of us become addicts, and the behaviors or substances can range from shopping, work, fishing, gaming, drugs, sex, to working out, binge eating, or restricting (there are more). The addictions worsen when there seems to be no way out. Relapse can occur when uncomfortable emotions or things related to traumas surface. 

What Can Be Done When You've Experienced Trauma/Addiction and are Ready for Therapy

• Find a therapist who is trained in EMDR, or a therapist who can work with another EMDR therapist conjointly.

• Connect with a therapist who practices some type of movement or artistic interventions (psychodrama, expressive arts...) and is trained to work with trauma.

• Honor your trauma by acknowledging its impact on your life. A therapist can help you sort through this.

• Give yourself permission to shop around for a good-fit therapist. It is an intimate professional relationship, and will take time to unravel the layers of your trauma towards healing.

• Forgive yourself for relapsing. It is a very human thing to do. The want to numb is powerful.

• Give yourself permission to speak on your trauma when you feel safe to do so. Do not feel rushed to please any therapist.

• If there is current substance abuse, outpatient treatment or detox may be an essential first step in healing.

• Slowly believe that reaching out for help is a sign of strength, and that you are worthy of a good life. You are worthy of love. A therapist can also help with this.

Gina Tabrizy, MS, LMFT is the executive clinical director at Harmony Heals, a holistic counseling center in Laguna Hills, CA. They offer treatment for individuals, couples, family, groups, and customized IOP related to recovery, trauma, addictions, and mental health. Their contact is (949)837-2751 or (877)HELP115 | info@harmonyheals.com

Pokémon Go - Safety Tips and General Playing

Pokemon Go is a free augmented reality (AR) mobile game released this week. It is currently in beta version, so there are kinks to work out. The data generated by users will definitely help developers guide the evolution of this game. There are plenty of sites devoted to the ins and outs of playing, so the focus of this writing is safety and general observations related to playing pokemon go.

Be Mindful of Your Surroundings.

When you open the game, this is your first message. From playing and watching others, here are some things to consider:

Stopping While Walking

In public, and crowded spaces, stopping unexpectedly can make people bump into each other. It may not be a big deal to some, but it might upset others and cause trouble.

Objects, and Tripping

Watch where you’re walking. Some gamers walked into walls, each other, or missed a step on a flight of stairs while walking. Two players have already walked off cliffs catching Pokemon. Please be mindful of where you are walking. 

Crowding in Areas

This might also lead to pushing. This game is meant to be fun, and some gamers are more serious than others when it comes to catching pokemon.

300 Yard Radius

When you’re tracking a pokemon, you may potentially wander from your group. Let friends know before wandering off, and identify a meet up spot when you do get split up.

 Private Property

Sometimes there will be pokemon in areas you cannot reach. Please think about boundaries and respecting the space of others.

Respecting Small, Quiet Communities

There are already locations being swamped by players hoping to catch rare Pokemon. This is changing and disturbing the quality of life for those who moved away from the big city for a quieter life. Please find another location to hunt Pokemon, and petition to have pokestops and gyms in areas that can handle larger numbers of people. 

Trash and the Environment

The sudden influx of people into many cities will lead to noise pollution and trash. It will happen. Please represent the gamer community well by doing your part to clean up after yourself, and leaving a space the way you found it, or even better. 

Pokemon in the Street

This is a beta version, so there are kinks to work out. I’ve seen pokemon in the street, and people walking into traffic to get their pokemon. Wait. It’s not worth getting hurt, or hurting others. 

 Driving While Playing

Please do NOT do this. People have a hard enough time driving without checking their texts. This is a potentially huge safety concern, and it can lead to more accidents and untimely deaths. (This is not the same as having a passenger play while you drive.) A player crashed his car trying to catch a Pokemon while driving. DON'T DRIVE & PLAY. 

 Well-known Public Spaces

Malls, downtown areas, and universities are busy areas that tend to have lots of pokestops and gyms. Walking in the middle-of-nowhere can be a safety concern, and it may not be as fun as meeting other players in public spaces. 

 Working and Playing

It depends on how flexible one’s work environment is, but losing a job over catching a pokemon, or accidentally taking a photo of confidential information is a huge risk. Pokemon GO player almost loses job

The Camera When Snapping Photos 

Some people may not want their photos taken and plastered on the internet with pokemon on them. Be mindful of offering this respect.

Children & Searching for Pokemon 

It can be easy for enthusiastic younger pokemon trainers to run off when they’re tracking. It can also be easy to talk to younger gamers because of this connection. It will be important for parents and community members to talk to, and keep an eye out for the safety of little ones.

This meme is a joke, but it raises a very real concern about the safety of children when playing. 

Safety & General Playing:

• Wear comfortable shoes, socks, and clothes. You will be traveling for a while. Your body may be sore from this new level of activity.
• Rest often, and drink water. Lots of us get carried away when gaming. There have been stories when gamers exhausted themselves to death, or they got really ill from playing too much without self care. Drink water, take breaks. The pokemon will be there another time. Your health and wellness is important.
• Bring a charger, and map out rest stops. Some places will have outlets and quiet spaces for you to rest in between catching pokemon or battling in gyms. As any athlete will tell you, rest and nutrition are as important as training. Familiarize yourself with each area you travel to, and note resting places.
• Safety in numbers: It’s safer with a group. Keep an eye out for each other, and have meeting spots and times if and when the group gets separated.

courtesy of legit lady gamers community united fb group <3 

• Scout your area before settling down to explore. Drive around, check with other players, or walk around before playing. Look for the pokestops and see if there are people lurking nearby. Trust your gut, and walk away if things don't feel right. 
•  Sportsmanship: This is a game. Some of us may take this game more seriously or personally than others. Please consider how others may feel when they lose or do not catch a really rare pokemon when you do.
• Turning off AR: This may help with extending the life of your battery.
• Check your data usage before, during, and after playing. This will help see if you will overuse data. 
• Look for public spaces with free WiFi. Malls might have free WiFi while you play.
• Battery-saving mode: Turn your phone upside down for this feature to work. It will dim your screen while in this position.
• Share the love: This is a game for people of all ages; new pokemon players, and well as those who’ve grown up with the cards, cartoons, and games. Encourage each other, and share the joys of success. This world has enough negativity in it. This game can bring people together (even when we’re on different teams).

So far, it seems these are the classifications of pokemon from how common to rare they are to find. Have fun catching all those Rattatas and Pidgeys! :P Some Pokemon GO Gameplay Tips | BuzzFeed

Online Relationships are Real

I had a wonderful conversation with a young man about the realness of online relationships. He recently ended a LDR (long distance relationship) with a young lady he'd never met. We touched upon many things related to internet culture and relationships, one of which, was the validity of online dating. 

Is it a real relationship if we never "meet" or never touch each other?

With half my life with the internet, and meeting many of my friends through AIM, World of Warcraft, and Facebook groups, I would say that yes, online relationships are very real. Mike Langlois, the Gamer Therapist, wrote about how dopamine, a neurotransmitter, is released while playing games. If you meet someone online and develop romantic feelings for them while playing online together, those same chemicals are released. 

It makes sense, though. Have you ever seen a gamer rage quit or have nerd rage? If you can get angry at someone while playing games with them, or interacting online, why would it be difficult to believe you can fall in love with someone using the same medium?

Studies have shown that oxytocin, the love drug, is usually released during physical contact. This is why connection is so important. Hugs and gentle touches can release oxytocin and make us feel contentment, and bonded with others. Online interactions in social media and playing games with strong narratives have also been found to release oxytocin as well!

Lots of people meet through online dating sites to weed out mismatches, and initially chat with someone before meeting in person. This can help make dating more efficient, as well as allow those with social anxiety a slower pace to warm up to others. 

With dating sites, and massive online games for people to meet, play together, and potentially fall in love, what makes strictly online dating so different? 

• It can feel stigmatizing not to find a physically present partner. Family and friends can make fun of you, or simply not understand how intense and real these emotions are. There can also be pressure to be with someone else.

• It can be confusing what defines intimacy. Each relationship is unique with differing levels and need for physical contact. When you find someone who gets you, and makes you feel safe to be vulnerable, sometimes the lack in physical contact is worth the risk.

• Online sex, sexting, or phone sex. More people are participating in online sexual acts. Sometimes it can be a barrier or uncomfortable for people to accept that is can be a main intimacy people share in a romantic relationship. Some choose not to have any type of sex, and still have a strong connection together online.

• Being vulnerable through words. This culture is very visual. It can be difficult to see something that isn't obvious. When many people think of romantic relationships, they think of holding hands, hugging, kissing, and a physical person. Text can be the most honest way of connection for many people. Some of us stumble when we speak, some of us freeze, and compose amazing responses when the moment is over. Having time to pause and think allows more of us to express ourselves more genuinely.

• Having a screen in between you and another person can reduce inhibitions to be more authentic. This can go the other way, of course (trolls), and in terms of romantic relationships online, having a screen as a conduit can help couples communicate more honestly about conflict and concerns.

• Catfishing. It's very common for people to lure lonely people into relationships. There is a genuine concern for those who date someone with an avatar, like in online games. You may or may not be dating who you think you are. Part of this interaction involves risk, and being vulnerable. (I will write more on this in a later post)

Despite all these differences, online connections can be rewarding and fulfilling. 

• Emotional support can manifest in different ways. Having someone online offer a virtual hug, compliment, or words of wisdom can mean so much to someone. This is partly why there are so many online groups and forums.

• Clarity in communication. Lots of us born with the internet are sponges for information. It's very normal to refer to google or an article we recently read while conversing with others. Having access to websites and being able to share them immediately, can help some of us explain our thoughts or feelings more clearly.

• Mutual interests. If you met your significant other, or friend in an online group or online game, it is very likely that you both have endless conversations on the original topics that drew you together. With the MBTI and gaming groups I've belonged to, there is this history of a culture and inside jokes we can always refer to to strengthen our connection.

• Constant connection. Having your smart phone or being online can feel like this person is always with you. It can be very isolating not having a friend or loved one around, but some of us can feel warm and loved knowing they are a text away.

• Special bond. Sometimes the distance can make the relationship even stronger. Perhaps in your immediate community, there aren't potential matches. It can be romantic and idealist to find someone hundreds or thousands of miles away, and somehow the internet made it possible for you to be together. This can many times, encourage you to accept the distance while building on mutual dreams to meet in the future.

• Love is worth the (calculated) risk. Sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with. Sometimes it just happens, and sometimes it's magical. Other times, it's a painful series of events that you wish never occurred. It's these joys where we are able to acknowledge how necessary pain is to appreciate the nuances life can offer. Online relationships can give us the entire emotional spectrum.

LOOK AT THIS: Artist Illustrates Her Long Distance Relationship Struggles & Joys | BoredPanda

Felicia Day's Book Tour

Felicia Day's Book Tour, Los Angeles, 2016

I was invited by another geek therapist, The Mindful Misfit MFT, to attend this book tour. She messaged me on FaceBook and asked, 

"Do you know Felicia Day?"

In my head I was thinking, "Uh, yes?!" (I've followed her since her YouTube days with The Guild, and it empowered me to be more of my geek and gamer self at the time. It was so relateable, and sad and funny to see a script based on the lives of online gamers.)

So it turns out, Felicia Day wrote a memoir. And in this memoir is very personal things about growing up with home schooling, acting, and being a professional creative female. She also talks candidly about her depression and gaming addiction when things got overwhelming for her. 

Even though she lived with her brother and home schooled with him, it seemed like they never connected until they gamed together. I resonate with this statement because my brother also introduced me to World of Warcraft. We didn't have much to say to each other in person, but gaming and having goals to accomplish as a team really connected us. 

Bringing people together is one wonderful aspect of gaming. 

Wil Wheaton interviewing Felicia Day

Some tidbits that I wanted to share from the talk she had with Wil Wheaton are the following:

Collaborate & Seek Others: 

Both Wil and Felicia talked about how isolating it can be as an artist with depression and/or anxiety. Sometimes it feels like a burden to share so much emotion with others. Wil disclosed how he felt so bad that Felicia was going through this pain and didn't have anyone to share it with. He was right there and didn't even know. And that's how depression can be for many of us. 

Self-worth and Pressure on Achievement: 

Perfectionism is a curse for many creatives, and it limits the enjoyment of creation. Both paired their self-worth and ability to be liked by others with approval and tangible outcome. Wil and Felicia are both working on this self love and acceptance, and shared that it is enough just being you. You are enough without the accolades and accomplishments. 

How to Balance Work/Life as an Artist:

The practical advice came as learning what your baseline is. This is in terms of one's depression and anxiety. Each of us has a baseline that we stray from in times of stress or high emotion. Taking time to acknowledge what we look like without any stress can help us work towards maintaining the ups and downs closer to this baseline. 

o Coping Skills: Figure out what works for you, and what doesn't work for you.

o Self-Monitor: Sometimes we're so busy, we don't take notice of how we're feeling and our body's internal state. Start noticing what's going on when we feel certain ways can help bring us back to that baseline.

"Find a place to perform for the love & joy of performing." -Wil Wheaton

Boonie Sripom & Felicia Day! <3

A part that struck a chord with me is the overall society view of art. It's seen as something as a hobby, something that couldn't really be compensated well until one becomes a celebrity. Being in the middle of unknown and well-known has its financial and emotional consequences. Both Wil and Felicia touched on this topic of money, and said,

"Make art...creative outlet for the sake of creativity." -Wil Wheaton

"You do it because you want to get your voice out there."-Felicia Day

(on whether her YouTube series would be successful now, and advice to others thinking of making work on YouTube)

Felicia advocated for seeking a therapist as an artist or geek. Her writing of this memoir helped sort through many of her life's moments, gave herself permission to fail, and acknowledge that she has accomplished so much. She encourages more of us to write that memoir to see how healing telling our story can be.

Thank you so much, Felicia! 

Anxiety Gaming connects online gamers to therapists

Felicia gave me one resource, Anxiety Gaming, and it is a nonprofit that connects gamers with therapists. The nonprofit can help pay for services. I hope to work with them soon. 

If these tips from Wil & Felicia are difficult to implement or maintain, give me a call! I'm in the OC area and love to help fellow artists, geeks, and gamers level up. (949)381-1894

Take care,

Boonie

Purchase the Book here:

 You're Never Weird On the Internet (almost): a Memoir, Felicia Day, 2015

Additional Links:

The Guild YouTube webseries

Felicia Day's Official Website

Wil Wheaton's Official Website

Connect Online Gamers With Therapists | Anxiety Gaming

Geek Links | Organized Messes

Links on Creativity | Organized Messes

Wondercon 2016

Link is playing video games at Wondercon 2016

I attended Wondercon this year on Sunday, and spent two of the six hours being lost, and searching for my party. So! What I learned from this visit was if I am going with a group who has a diverse range of interests, it's a good idea to plan times to meet up, instead of trying to follow each other around the entire time. It was packed. In a good way. 

Ghostbusters cosplay 

The age range was really nice to see. It's still family-oriented where children can see vendors and activities for them. 

Avatar Kyoshi cosplay

I admit that I giggled, and jumped up and down when I saw this Avatar cosplay. I love Avatar! 

Selfie with Avatar Kyoshi & me with tears of joy LOL

This was one of the cosplays that made my day! :) 

Easter cosplay for Joker and Harley Quinn

It's a wonderful sight to see little ones involved with cosplay culture, while their parents help ensure it's fun and appropriate. 

Black Cat and Spiderman Cosplay

The event lulled when it was time to get food. There were food trucks serving $20 meals, with a 45 minute wait to get your food. A recommendation is to bring your own food and drink when possible. Tickets to Wondercon are only $16 on Sunday. 

the Professor from Powerpuff Girls

I love seeing props like stuffed animals used in cosplay. It adds a little fun and imagination. 

Wonderwoman and (?)Black Widow Children's Cosplay

These girls were so smiley to have their photo taken (with parent's permission, of course). It's awesome to see girls empowered to be their favorite heroes here and potentially in the real world, too.

Bob's Burger's Cosplay

I had to chase her down a couple times, and she was super friendly with my asking to take her photo. 

Kingdom Hearts Cosplay

It's always a treat to see cosplay with weaponry. The craftsmanship is something I admire. 

Legend of Korra Cosplay

I am a huge Avatar fan, and and even huger water tribe fan! I was overwhelmed with joy to see people from "my tribe" LOL

Children cosplaying Loki and Spiderman

These kiddos also smiled so wide as I asked for their photo. The time taken to choose the costume, and find its elements probably contributed to some quality family time together. 

Travis Hanson, Children's book illustrator and author

Travis Hanson and I chatted about our processes with writing and illustrating. His words and journey are very inspiring. He is a very talented and humble person, and I wish him all the success in the world. 

Deadpool Cosplays

A part of cosplay (like Halloween) is giving adults permission to act silly and playfully. It's refreshing to see adults not be constricted by social definitions of what it is to be "an adult".

Unknown cosplay, really cool armor

I'm not sure what her cosplay is, but the weapon and armor are pretty darn neat.

Disney's Belle Princess Cosplay

At the end of the day, we all got together to walk across the street to our cars or taxis. Even Disney princesses needed to find their way home after a long day of magic and creativity. 

Cosplay With Tayliss Forge

I had the pleasure of meeting Tayliss at a local Barnes and Noble. I was reading, and overheard her awesome conversation on the cosplay and geek community being inclusive. I thought it was wonderful to hear positive perspective of geek culture where it allows so many to represent themselves how they want to. I introduced myself, and we exchanged information. I've been following her on Facebook, and wanted her to share some words to hopefully share more insight into the cosplay and Steampunk communities. 

Tayliss Forge - Steam Aristocrat, Photo taken by Simply Colorful 

1. How would you explain cosplay to the average person?

Cosplay stands for costume-play. It is the concept of dressing up as a character (pre-created or original). Most commonly you will see characters from anime, films, sci-fi, etc. Cosplay can be handmade, purchased, or commissioned from other artists.

2. How has cosplay culture changed your life?

I feel as though I'm not part of a convention until I'm dressed up. I'm a rather introverted person, so it's much easier for me to have someone come up to me and talk about my costume then me going up to random people. I've met so many people through costume creating. I have improved socially since I first started and also have made a name for myself creating what I love.

Tayliss Forge - Steampunk Assassin, Photo taken by Simply Colorful 

3. What are some kinds of stigma you've heard of cosplayers, and what do you think people can learn from cosplayers themselves?

People seem to stereotype cosplayers as young individuals who don't have jobs and spend all their money on costumes and conventions. This isn't usually the case. Cosplay is for all age groups and it is very expensive and requires a job to afford. Cosplayers are still helping the economy and doing something productive with their creative minds. Learning how to manage a creative hobby and real life is something anyone can learn from a cosplayer.

4. What is your favorite costume or item to make?

My favorite item that I've made is my steampunk wire wrap elf ears. It was something I attempted on my first try. It inspired many people to make similar products within the steampunk and renaissance communities.

Tayliss Forge - Steampunk Elf Ears

5. What are some tips or words of encouragement for those wanting to start cosplaying or participating in geek culture? 

Cosplay is not easy. There will always be people who will tear you down to bring themselves up just like any community. If you're having fun, it doesn't matter what people think. Use cosplay as a way to get out there and show everyone the real you! Start with small projects and work your way up to more difficult projects. Nothing will be perfect your first try, but there is always time to improve it. Do cosplay for yourself and no one else.

Tayliss Forge cosplaying as Hextech Janna from League of Legends, Photo taken by Simply Colorful 

How can we contact you or stay updated with your creations? 

You can friend or follow me on my personal facebook page facebook.com/Taylissforge. I post regularly photos of my costume photography larping, and other projects. I also sell my work through etsy.com/shop/nonconformity and take custom commissions. 

Gaming & Anger

Nerd Rage, Rage Quitting, and Angry Gamers

Nerd rage. Rage quitting.

If you have a gamer in your life, or are a gamer, you've most definitely come across game rage at least once. So, what exactly is it? The top definition on Urban Dictionary is: "to stop playing out of anger." There are additional components that make rage an appropriate word for this behavior. 

Sometimes the rage is accompanied with screaming, breaking things, physical aggression, and heightened emotionality. Losing not only once, but numerous times, being harassed online, or having difficulties with a game can lead to rage quitting.

Before some commentary on this behavior is shared, here is a video of what can commonly occur when a gamer experiences rage quitting. This is one of countless recordings available online. 

Now, this video was shared not to ridicule or shame gamers. It was shown to illustrate the seriousness of this problem. Around the world, there are millions of homes where gaming is part of everyday life. That means around the world, it can be fairly common to have a gamer get angry or a family member argue about bed times and spending time off the computer or console. This means that gaming and anger in the family is a normal thing, and yet games are being blamed. 

Is gaming really the problem?

Sometimes gaming is the problem. Sometimes it's part of the problem. Sometimes it's the solution for a chaotic life filled with problems. It really depends on context, and individual circumstances. In general, gaming can be the last part of the puzzle where a person who has limited coping skills finally has an outlet to channel anger and other strong emotions. In regards to many men and boys getting angry, there is something curious to consider:

Socially acceptable emotions for men and boys.

Expanding on traditional gender roles and emotional expression has changed within a generation. Even so, there are remnants of the "boys will be boys" and "boys don't cry" mentalities in the minds of many men and boys we know. Millennials, Gen Y, and Gen X gamers can come from a burdened culture where they are not allowed to express feminine emotions. This can be very draining, and misdirect every other emotion into anger. 

Underneath this rage that can "appropriately" be expressed from gaming and being competitive (because it's masculine and acceptable behavior) is lots of pain, unresolved losses, and vulnerability. Men and boys may be less likely to share directly about painful emotions unless it's a result of competition or gaming. This leaves males with a smaller window of opportunity to express normal emotions that females generally share throughout the day. 

What does this build up of emotion do to the human body? Emotions and intense energy builds up, and needs a release. If it isn't released in small bursts, well, you get rages.

Emotions are like air filling up in a balloon. There is only so much that can fill before it bursts. 

Females also get angry. 

Around half of all gamers are female. This leads to expanding on more traditional gender stereotypes or assumptions with female. Females can and do play all types of games, and can also experience nerd rage. Gaming can be an outlet for women where in general, the greater culture may not accept female anger or aggression as openly as when males do. 

Females may be pressured to maintain harmony in groups, and suppress feelings of anger to please others. This is not always the case, of course, yet there are socializing agents that may heavily shape a female's range of expressing negative emotions; the same way men are not nurtured to acknowledge more vulnerable types of emotions. According to an article on gender and anger, men tend to be more physical and aggressive with their anger, while females tend to be more passive aggressive (GOSSIPING).

Gaming may be used as a safer negative emotional outlet for some. It may be healthier to release anger while yelling and killing creeps in a videogame than picking a fight with a random person who bumped into you. In addition to all the positive aspects gaming offers its players, some may use it solely for an emotional outlet; others, not so much. Context is important. 

Context for anger

For many gamers, life can be difficult and overwhelming. People may not always be the kindest, and social support might be minimal. Being misunderstood, and not being able to connect with others may add context to why some gamers have angry outbursts when they play. Having a childlike heart, or being labeled as immature, or lazy by loved others can also be disheartening. Countless stereotypes on being a gamer can make it even more difficult to connect with non-gamers. Adult children affected by the recession, Millennials, also have an added layer of difficulty to finding work and finishing school while some of their peers may be more "successful." 

How nerd rage affects family & relationships

Gaming and anger can become a focus within the family system or relationship. This intense focus on anger can cause arguing, break ups, and additional anger from others. The entire experience can be frustrating, overwhelming, and tiring. Lots of people may start giving ultimatums for the gamer to quit playing "or else" something will be taken away. Parents of adult gamers may feel guilty for permitting the behavior to get to this excessive state, as well as disappointed and upset their child is not thriving. Gamers can feel misunderstood for their love of gaming, annoyed that others want to take something that brings them joy away, and guilty or stuck for not pleasing others. It's a lot of emotions, a lot of perspectives, and a lot of relationship dynamics to consider. 

What happens next?

If extreme anger and gaming are difficult to even initially address, seeking professional support may be a first step. Gaming can be an addiction. If behaviors become difficult, it's important to seek help; either for your own support, or for the family or relationship. Information is invaluable, and learning what gaming can offer a person can help increase connection and open communication. Sometimes arguments and anger can really be about gaming, and sometimes it really isn't about gaming in the first place. Everyone has a story, and every gamer has a history and reason for playing. Listening to understand can make a world of difference. If these initial stages are confusing or difficult to start, an awesomely compassionate and gaming affirmative therapist may be able to help start the healing process. 

5 Things Gamers in Your Life Want You to Know

There may be a stigma with gaming. At times, the greater culture associates gaming with addiction, anger outbursts, and interpersonal problems. As a person from the gaming community, I acknowledge how real these concerns are. Our culture is drenched in technology, and it’s very difficult to separate from video games. Gaming and technology will most likely stay with us for a long time, so there are some ways to maneuver these waters. I’ve asked hundreds of gamers, and thought about some reasons why I enjoyed gaming in the past. Here are some things that might help you connect with the gamer in your life.

Some statistics on gaming

34 years old:The average gamer

39 years old: The average age of most frequent game purchasers

12 years: The average number of years adult gamers have been playing computer or video games

40% of all gamers are female

(http://www.esrb.org/about/video-game-industry-statistics.aspx)

(24 hours a week)

Addicted gamers play twice as much as casual gamers  (http://www.video-game-addiction.org/)

155 million Americans play video games

(http://www.theesa.com/article/150-million-americans-play-video-games/)

1) The Purpose of Gaming

Big Pharma screen shot by David Davis, INTP

• Some of us game to relieve stress or do things we cannot do in "real life," like shoot a gun, or build fantastic castles in the sky.

• It can feel very accomplishing to finish a level, puzzle, or quest in games. When the outside world is difficult, games can help boost confidence to move forward. 

• There can also be a social connection in games that cannot be obtained otherwise. Games can bring people together to create community, common goals, and support. 

• The American Psychological Association shared findings where oxytocin (aka the love drug) is released when gamers play with peers. It is the same hormone released when we hug.

2) Ask Us Questions

World of Warcraft Undead Beastmaster Hunter screenshot, shared by Kenny Royal Hupp, INTP

• Being interested in a gamer's world can help relieve tension on talking about problematic gaming. Perhaps the conversation will lead to understanding of how important games are in a person's life/
• Look for themes in character and game choice. Asking questions about a gamer's favorites can also help understand what is important in the gamer's life. 
• Speaking with a counselor can help with this process if it's too difficult to start. (I can help look for referrals or consult) 

3) It is a Hobby

Star Wars: The Old Republic (SWTOR), Danielle Rivera screen shot

Just like football or ballet, playing video games is a hobby. For some of us, it can be a professional career. (UC Irvine has an eSports team where students play games and have their tuition reduced, many companies have eSports teams around the world, and South Korea has a huge culture that supports eSports athletes.)

Sometimes our loves ones have hobbies we don't like, and we still love them anyways. A way to support our loved one who games is to view the activity like other hobbies. Hobbies have multiple and unique purposes for each of us, and can range from: spending time with friends, relaxing after a stressful day, a monotonous task to not think too much about things, a challenge to overcome, a certain skill set to develop, a creative outlet, a more appropriate emotional release, and a mini adventure. 

4) Limitations are Healthy

There are so many hours in the day, and chores and other responsibilities are part of time management. When gaming becomes problematic (gaming too many hours a day, constant emotional outbursts when losing, anger when being asked to stop play, etc), relationships, school, and/or work can suffer. 

Talking about reasonable times to play, and expectations for contributing to the family can help increase positive interactions with gaming. The goal isn't to take games away from a gamer. The goal is to allow for more priorities and skills to matter as much and be honored as much as gaming. Behavior charts and time tables with kiddos can be very useful visuals and reminders)

Limbo, Playdead.com (suggested by Josh Liu, INTP)

5) Play with Us

Games are meant to entertain, teach new skills, and connect us with others across the globe. Sometimes it's not a preferred hobby for a loved one, but there are things we will not be enthusiastic about, and that's okay. 

In addition to sitting and watching our loved ones play (like watching them play soccer or perform in dance), we can try to play with them. Maybe we can learn to like what they like (at the very least, start to understand), and explore a world of creativity we haven't stepped into before. This hobby may be short-lived or it can carry on through the lifespan. To understand how and why your gamer plays can start with sitting and watching, or asking, "Can I play?"

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Rule of thumb for gaming:

Casual gamers play 10-20 hours a week. Game addicts may play more than 24 hours a week. (http://video-game-addiction.org)

Signs of possible gaming problems:

• Arguments (yelling and/or fighting) continuously come up when the gamer is asked to stop gaming
• Lying about how much time is being spent gaming
• Increased irritabiity, feelings of sadness, or lack of interest in other activities they may have been interested before
• Extreme anger outbursts when losing games
• Relationships are ignored when gaming
• The quality of school or professional work decreases dramatically, or lack of motivation to do any work
• Sleep, earing, and hygiene are neglected to play
• Oversleeping and gaming through the day
• Constantly talking and thinking about the game for prolonged periods of time

If it's still difficult after a few weeks of trying these five things out, give me a call to see how I can help. I'm in the Orange County, CA area and love working with gamers and their loved ones.

To learn more about the gaming world, click HERE. 

• LIMBO
• Star Wars: The Old Republic (SWTOR)
• Big Pharma
• World of Warcraft
• 5 More Things Gamers in Your Life Want You to Know

On Art (& Gaming) 005 - Kristin Mullinax

Art, and what defines it, has changed significantly over the years. “Good art is art that allows you to enter it from a variety of angles and to emerge with a variety of views.” (Schmich, Mary). In the primitive era, cave paintings were considered art. In the 15th century art was often defined by ingenious written works, lavish paintings, and silver- tongued orators. I believe I, as a millennial, am experiencing a significant shift in what is considered art and have, perhaps, the broadest assortment to choose from. In my generation art can encompass anything from traditional mediums, such as paint and the written word, to non-traditional mediums, such as technology. To me, art is multidimensional in its execution and its consumption. To the artist, art is a pouring out of the soul through a medium.  To the viewer, art provokes contemplation, motivation and action. Art is deep, meaningful communication that moves people.      

    I’m a gamer. For those who don’t understand the term, it means someone who plays video games on a regular basis. I started playing games regularly when I was a kid, then life got in the way and I stopped for many years. Some may say that stopping was a good thing but I disagree. Gaming taught me resourcefulness, problem solving, how to work hard to reach my goals and how to feel confidence; things my parents neglected to instill in my sister and me.

In an article titled “The Millenials are coming,” Marian Salzman says of Millenials “Some of them are the greatest generation… They have these tools to get things done… They are enormously resourceful.” This reminds me of my sister and me when we were younger. We grew up as latchkey kids who, more or less, raised ourselves. To stave off boredom we developed keen imaginations that kept us busy for hours. When our imaginations failed us, we read books or watched cartoons on TV.  Then, one evening, my father brought home a computer he purchased; along with a box of random software and hardware, from a man he worked with. The only internet connection available to us was dial-up which was prohibitive in its slow speed. With internet use limited, my sister and I played the games that came with the computer.

    My favorite game to play then was called “Jill of the Jungle.” In this game you play as an Amazon woman named Jill who zips through the trees on vines as she fights various jungle monsters. Jill was strong and brave; the polar opposite of my timid self, and I aspired to be her. For a while the hope of that identity shaped how I acted. However, that dream didn’t last for long. Merely surviving the popularity contest of middle and high school consumed most of my time and energy. My childlikeness began to be replaced with insecurity and games were not “cool” for girls, so I stopped playing them.

     In “Outcast Generation” the author writes “My new friend… introduced me to a world...where I never thought I would find others like myself.” By the time I was 23, I had moved to Seattle, left my religion, and was in the process of reinventing my life. I felt lost and foreign to Seattle until I met the man I dated for a while. He was an avid gamer and he introduced me to a game called Legend of Zelda. Legend of Zelda is an action adventure game about a boy named Link who is on a quest to save his homeland, Hyrule; and the princess Zelda from a man named Ganon. In order to progress through the levels the player often must solve puzzles, problem solve and think critically about their next steps. The game highlights friendship, loyalty, and courage. I carried elements I learned in the game out to my everyday life and applied the principles to situations at home and work. Once again, games began to inspire change in me and shaped parts of my identity. As Dave Marsh said, in “Fortunate Son,” “No longer did I feel powerless, and if I still felt cheated, I felt capable of getting my own back, someday, some way.” Through gaming I felt equipped to step out into the world and pursue my dreams.

    The game I most love is called “The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim.” Even as an older game, it is still one of the most immersive and aesthetically pleasing games available. It is an open world, adventure RPG (role playing game) in which you create a character who will become the Dragonborn: the savior of Skyrim who defeats the dragons who have been terrorizing its people. Open world games are fascinating, they're created to have very large boundaries so that players can explore the world where the game is set. A player can choose to travel around a mountain, or climb it; they wade through a river or simply follow it to their destination. The player levels up by gathering resources, forging weapons and tools, and practicing their skills all while accepting quests to assist Skyrim’s inhabitants. This game has, perhaps, shaped me the most as an adult.

    My character is a woman. She is brave, she fights dragons daily, as well as other monsters that stalk the land. She is a fierce dual wielder who attacks her enemies with the speed and precision of a well-trained warrior.  She is also a skilled magician who can call fire from the sky and ice from the air around her. I aspire to be like her; with obvious exceptions. In real life I try to be brave, I work towards being strong in body and in mind, I practice and study to develop skills needed to pursue my goals.  The vivid world I play in has inspired me to create a similar world for myself. I live in an open world, I can travel around the mountain or I can climb it; I can wade through the river or follow it to my destination. I haven't battled dragons or search for treasure, I haven't joined any guilds or helped shop owners locate missing items, but my life is an adventure nonetheless. My quests are my goals and dragons are challenges I face along the way. Like my character when a dragon looms above her, when I encounter a problem in life, I fortify myself and I draw my sword. When I approach problems as I would in the game I am able to think through them and execute appropriate solutions.

    I am not an anomaly. The gaming community is large and in it you will find many creative, passionate, driven people. Gamers live much of their lives on a quest for excellence; even if excellence is obtained by getting the highest score in Mario, maxing out our Two Handed weapon skill, or creating the perfect replica of Altair’s sword for our costume. Games feed our imaginations, but they also feed our drives. Game designers, who create these stunning worlds and orchestrate mind boggling challenges, are definitely artists. Their art speaks; it inspires and motivates a group of people who may not be driven by promises of wealth or fame, but by promises of titles such as Vault Hunter or Dragonborn.

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Kristin's MBTI preference is INFP, and she is a college student and creative. This is just one of many perspectives of a gamer, and it's so awesome to step into her world with her words.