An activity to help identify the ways we more likely feel loved is shared. We all have different love languages. We all give different love languages. When we don't feel as loved with certain forms of affection, it's important to address this in our relationships. Intentions and meaning matter, but they also matter how the person receives the love. It's both. With some sensitive people, we may be seeking validation from the outside. Again, this is an AND situation where we can learn from people who love us, how to love ourselves. We can learn from one another.
5 Love Languages:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch
This website can help determine one's love languages, but making a thorough list (20 items+) can also individualize what is important. For example, when making a list, think of an important relationship in your life. List all (big or small) things this person does to show care. Categorize each item with its corresponding love language (some may belong to 2 or 3 categories). Tally and see which language is the most important to you.
Example:
helps wash dishes (acts of service)
holds my hand (physical touch)
says he appreciates me (words of affirmation)
watches movies with me (quality time/physical touch)
encourages me to pursue my dreams (words of affirmation)
...
Try it out!
Go over the completed list with your partner/loved one. It can help encourage him or her to continue showing care how you want and like to be cared for. Going over the list can help open a dialogue about which displays of affection matter to one another most, and how to maintain a stronger connection together.
Maintaining open communication about wants for affection are important because many of us have this notion of, "Isn't it given that I care?" Well, yes and no. Relationships are like gardens to maintain, and with that time, energy, and commitment are required. Have you ever tried to keep a garden green? Oh my goodness, it takes a lot of commitment! Relationships and gardens get weeds sometimes, and need constant tending. People pay for gardeners to feed and weed their gardens, sometimes couples need to pay psychotherapists or couple's counselors to help feed and weed their relationships.
Continuous appreciation and open communication is the water for your love garden. If you forget to water it long enough, it's going to wither. Then the leaves with fall off, and the flowers will blossom less often. Maybe you won't get any fruit for a while. Maybe the fruit will stop. Might as well water the garden continuously so you won't have to start from the beginning. The lesson learned? Water your love garden every day!
Reference: Gary Chapman - 5 Love Languages
Additional Reading & Image Source: How to Speak Your Partner's Love Language
