Enneagram 4 - Suffering as Our Identity

The Complete Enneagram by Beatrice Chestnut, PhD https://amzn.to/3889x25

Being a 4 comes with wonderful gifts of creative expression and depth of feeling. Many times, though, we hold onto the beliefs that we must suffer to be congruent to who we are, and that we do not deserve good things. Part of our growth and healing includes challenging these messages and welcoming joy, to accept that we are worthy as we are, even embracing good things in life!

Change Talk - What it Looks Like, Its Importance, & How to Help Someone Change

Change takes time. We have a unique reference point and history that is difficult for others to comprehend. When we start talking about change, it is a GOOD thing! It's a sign of possibility. It is also a sign of hesitancy and fear of change, because changing is scary and unknown. When someone starts talking about change, please allow them to talk out loud to make it a viable new truth. When we allow people to speak on wanting to change, or hesitating, it helps make it acceptable to try in the future. When we feel accepted to think about what we want to try, even make mistakes or grow from, it again, helps with moving talking about change to thinking about change and behaving in ways that lead to more change. Change has cycles, and relapses are normal. We default to what we're used to doing when stressed. If you'd like to work on changing a habit that's existed for a while, a therapist or a coach skilled in certain areas of life may be able to help. Motivational Interviewing can help people move from change talk to change action and maintenance.

VIDEOS ON CHANGE:

• Change Talk: Solutions or Validation? https://youtu.be/NmkYADfO2Kk

• Black & White Thinking; Encouragement to be in Grayness https://youtu.be/dNCbXPkwEks

• The Stages of Change & Bowen Family Systems https://youtu.be/ltvS3O4yE2M?t=119

• Enmeshment & Differentiation of Self https://youtu.be/EYIgjDki6cI

• What Plants Teach Us About Change https://youtu.be/i30KrqD9I0U

• Motivational Interviewing - Accurate Empathy or Confrontation https://youtu.be/kSumJHSkbTQ

• Change Cycles as Metaphorical Death https://youtu.be/qg8oCK9XGZE

• The Pendulum of Change, River of Wellbeing https://youtu.be/MiGUqIlJTVw

• Reclaiming Authenticity as an Outsider https://youtu.be/cuLaXp5d6BE

• Bowen Family Systems Cutoffs & Fusions https://youtu.be/VpRcagL72LI

• Protecting Yourself During Spiritual Growth https://youtu.be/RX1sc79nS2M

• Enmeshment & Differentiation of Self https://youtu.be/EYIgjDki6cI

• Adjusting to Change https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDm1q...

• The Importance of Professional Helpers to Facilitate Change https://youtu.be/BtLjNfDQn_M

Executive Function Skills - Making Your Bed, Organizing Your Desk! (Chunking & Planning Over Time)

For those of us with a unique executive function profile, some things may be more difficult and draining, like organizing spaces or time management. Learning our strengths is important, as well as giving ourselves compassion to practice new skills.

Chunking can help where we have less pressure to complete tasks at once. Bite-sized pieces or even first thinking about goals can help us feel more empowered. Thinking and planning about tasks is as important as execution, and we don't always give ourselves credit for doing so.

Change involves thinking about change. Change also takes practice and small steps that add to a larger whole. Find ways that work for you, and be open to sharing your process with safe supportive people so they can also encourage you to keep going and celebrate small wins!

Growing Up Different & Being Forced to Be "Normal" (Autistic, ADHD, HSP, Gamers, Introverts)

Some thoughts related to growing up "different" and being forced to act "normal". It can be so freeing as adults to take steps towards embracing and reclaiming who you are after having society and people in positions of authority tell you you're flawed. A lot of us have to unlearn these early messages, and it takes time and safety to do so. I hope this video offers comfort and community to continue on your individual journeys of becoming. **Please note: This video is shared for educational and community purposes. You have every right to disagree and seek additional perspectives. This video is not an alternative to professional consultation or therapy.**

Stimming & ABA Video https://youtu.be/8wuFeIFqxQg

Executive Function Skills - External Thinking & Practice

When you have a unique or different learning style, life can be frustrating for you and the people in your life. Accomplishing tasks and learning can be met with more frustrating, overwhelm, sadness, and feelings of shame. Educators and parents, and individuals may not know what their learning preferences are and how to more effectively get tasks done. It makes sense that this is fairly new because our education system teaches the same way to benefit the same people. If you learn from lectures and using worksheets, you benefit from a typical classroom.

Others who are ADHDers, neurodivergent, smart but scattered, and creative thinkers have struggled to learn, many times in silence. They can be seen as "difficult" to teach or that they are "not trying hard enough." It is overwhelming and frustrating to think that you cannot learn due to effort. Many times, it is the approach and connection that is missing. When we seek to understand how someone's cognitive profile is, we can empower them to learn how they learn best.

And being different isn't bad. We seem to equate difference as wrong, and many differently wired people internalized this into their identities quickly. Learning and thinking differently is not bad. It is just different. Let's find ways to honor difference by being open to new information and perspective.

This video was inspired by personal experiences and watching the TEFOs 2020 conversations with Jeff Copper & Seth Perler. They are both executive function coaches with backgrounds in education. https://executivefunctionsummit.com/

Book: Smart But Scattered Guide to Success by Peg Dawson, EdD & Richard Guare, PhD

I offer coaching to the differently wired. Sometimes it takes someone to help remind you what your natural strengths are so you can identify and accomplish goals that help you cultivate your own authenticity.

Contact me at organizedmesses@gmail.com to schedule an appointment.

Codependency Considerations for Orange/Red Flags, Potential Abuse Cycles

***After watching, close the browser and delete your internet history if you are potentially being abused, stalked, in an unhealthy relationship. ***

Same with the phone numbers or websites: delete your calling or browsing history for personal safety reasons. This video is dedicated to the students and young people I've worked with. I wish you all the love for yourself and the relationships you're in. I also dedicate it to my little sisters and my inner child. We've come a long way. It's been a hell of a journey.

***Websites***

• RESOURCES of all kinds https://www.211.org/

• National Center for Victims of Crime https://victimsofcrime.org/

• Victims of Crime California -- pays for services related to domestic violence https://victims.ca.gov/victims/

• DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVOR SUPPORT https://www.peaceoverviolence.org/

• RESOURCES ON HEALTHY LOVE https://www.joinonelove.org/

• NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE https://www.thehotline.org/

• CRISIS TEXTLINE https://www.crisistextline.org/

Shadow Work as Default for Enneagram 4 (ENFP, INFP, INFJ)

Additional Content:

• What to Do When ENFPs Go MIA https://youtu.be/NS7uo4H_UnY

• The Pendulum of Change https://youtu.be/MiGUqIlJTVw

• Re: Pendulums of Change - Bowen Family Systems Cutoffs & Fusion (Enmeshment) ENFP INFP HSP Outcasts https://youtu.be/VpRcagL72LI

"The Four's resonance with the Shadow can also be seen in the fact that they have a natural gift for understanding the deeper emotional level of experience and seeing the beauty in darker emotions that other types would rather not feel, much less acknowledge. This can make them feel dangerous to others on an unconscious level, as Fours may raise the issue of authentic emotions that others would often rather not deal with." Beatrice Chestnut, PhD The Complete Enneagram, pg. 268

We 4s can offer a lot to inspire or encourage the Shadow work of others we meet. The balance and essential work we also must do requires working through our own Shadows before we introject others' struggles as our own.

Components of Careers Essential for ENFPs to Thrive

YouTube Videos:

• ENFPs & Careers: Encouragement for the Messy Path https://youtu.be/mMVg9bIrStY

• ENFPs & Success: On Work, Being Authentic, & Other's Opinions https://youtu.be/YewjMNROv7A

QUORA RESPONSES:

• Components Essential to Thrive as ENFP: https://qr.ae/pGIfdg

• Careers for ENFPs: https://qr.ae/pGIfEA

• List of traits for ENFP careers: https://qr.ae/TUGBN3